


Tortured Soul

by mvh_whitethorn



Category: Throne of Glass Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-29
Updated: 2020-05-18
Packaged: 2020-09-29 17:58:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 12
Words: 20,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20440148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mvh_whitethorn/pseuds/mvh_whitethorn
Summary: Aelin hides behinds lies throughout her senior year, harboring a dark secret. Rowan Whitethorn transfers to Terrasen High School and meets Aelin. An inseparable bond forms between them over the months and Aelin can’t find a way to break down her walls





	1. Chapter 1

Aelin ran up the concrete stairs into Terrasen High School, backpack bouncing against her butt. Her first class was all the way across campus and she had five minutes until the tardy bell rang. Long legs striding down the hall, Aelin avoided eye contact with everyone. Ever since the party months ago, she had become secluded and silent, never speaking to anyone but Lysandra and Dorian. That dark night rarely entered her mind. She had worked tirelessly to bury the nightmares that still haunted her. But she wouldn't think about that now. Or ever.

The door to her English class loomed ahead, and she sighed her relief at beating the bell. Aelin quickly found her seat at the back of the classroom by the window, no one else occupying her row. Her gaze settled outside, watching the small birds fly through the baby blue sky. Her heart ached. Never again would she feel that free and unleashed. Mr. Elijah, her idiotic teacher, briskly walked through the open door of the classroom, stopping in front of the whiteboard. "Attention class," he rasped, his voice raw from smoking the cigarettes hidden in his desk. The talking quieted, everyone else turning to face his burly form. "We have a new student all the way from Wendlyn. He is not well versed in our language, so please be patient and kind." How cliche. Ugh. Aelin rolled her eyes and refocused her attention outside, wishing she could shift herself into a wisp of wind or a robin and fly herself to a different continent. A different world.

Footsteps clicked on the tiles and Aelin shot her gaze to the front. A silver haired man stood there, drinking in the sorry classroom. His tan skin and dazzling pine green eyes contrasted everyone else. No one had any right to be that beautiful. His broad shoulders and extremely muscled arms made him terrifying. His chest expanded and nostrils slightly flared. Why on earth was she even realizing these things to begin with?! She had no interest in that. In anything these days. His eyes scanned the room catching on her slumped form alone in the back. His brows narrowed and lips thinned.

Mr. Elijah spoke again, "This is Rowan. Rowan Whitethorn. Let's welcome him properly." The drowsy and uninterested voices of 25 moody teenagers rose through the room. Many of the other girls were also checking Rowan out. Appreciatively. Aelin just turned her gaze back out the window, intent to remain unnoticed. "Please take an open seat anywhere," Mr. Elijah said. Aelin's fist clenched white, her other hand tapping restlessly. Don't sit next to me she begged to the gods. Please. Someone must've been listening because Rowan did not plop down next to her. But he did sit in her row. At the opposite end thank goodness. Everyone gawked at the solemnity. Aelin held a shred of respect for the bold move. Rowan's gaze caught hers. They stared at each other for but a moment before Aelin swiftly looked away. The class continued at a monotonous pace. Only six more hours she reminded herself. Only six.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The day continued regularly. Rowan shared only two more classes with her, AP Calculus and a writing class for speech credits, although Aelin secretly loved it. She ate a quiet lunch with Lysandra, shoving an apple and a slice of pizza down her throat before running to her next class, eager to escape the crowd. She sat in the back of every class, next to or closest to the nearest window, hating for even a moment to be separated from the light air and sun.

Her art class with Dorian flew by, ending early due to the paint fight the two got in. Luckily Mrs. Shea was too old and kind to punish their antics. It was the most energy Aelin had shown in weeks, and Dorian was quite proud he was the source of the laughter. The day ended after that. Aelin couldn't recall anything from her last two classes. She didn't care either. She felt like a ghost, walking around the halls, passerby's blind to her presence.

Aelin began her walk home immediately after her last class, not bothering to wait for Lys and Dorian. She wanted to be alone. The walk was barely 5 minutes, her small neighborhood house giving her easy access to the school. After unlocking her front door, Aelin made her way to the large fridge, grabbing a variety of fruits, meats, and chocolate delicacies. The couch looked rather welcoming, so she plopped down and ate half her stash before the TV switched on. A familiar weight pressed back on her shoulders, a darkness crept into her mind, fogging her senses. Sleep beckoned, and Aelin followed without resistance.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A large BANG echoed through the house and Aelin immediately jolted awake from her slumber. Wrappers littered the couch and carpet. It was one A.M. Panic took over. She crept into the kitchen grabbing the largest knife, and silently padded down the small hallway to where the noise issued from. Her bedroom door was open a crack, moonlight pouring in from the large window along her wall. Aelin held her breath, steeling herself for the unexpected. Counting to three, she lifted her foot and kicked the door with all her might and pointing her knife outward. She flicked her light switch on, and was shocked at what she saw.

Aedion was sprawled across her bed, beer bottle in hand, and her lamp was lying on the ground, bulb shattered. Aelin groaned. He wasn't supposed to be home until tomorrow night. The house was hers tonight, but now she couldn't wallow in self pity. Setting the knife on the table she turned towards him. "Aedion," Aelin strung his name out, "why tonight?! I have school tomorrow and I can't babysit you." His dignified response was a string of slurred words she chose not to hear. Mustering some swagger, Aelin stuck her tongue out at her cousin and marched towards him. Grabbing his arm, she dragged his carcass off her bed and kicked him "lightly" in the stomach. "That's for scaring the hell out of me you bastard. You are the proper owner of this house, you know? You could have used your own key or rung the doorbell like a normal person, but NO, you had to break in through my window and hide on my bed."

It was Aedion's turn to groan. "College life rough?" Aelin drawled, sounding like a pathetic, whiny child. "Poor, poor Aedion. No friends. No love life." That earned a growl in her direction. "Yeah, yeah. Let's get you cleaned up." Aelin tried lifting him but failed miserably. "You do have to help a bit you know. Your fat ass is too heavy for me." He tried sliding his feet underneath him, and succeeded with one leg before collapsing in a heap. "Well, I guess you're staying there kiddo," Aelin commented, staring down at his limp form. "I'm going to bed on the couch,'" she continued, "and I have school tomorrow morning, so I won't be home when you wake up. Have fun." No response. He was well and truly out then. Jeez. The man can't hold his liquor. Aelin walked back to the living room and laid down again. Her eyes closed. She'd deal with Aedion in the morning, and she'd get rightful revenge.


	2. Chapter 2

Aelin's hand searched for her alarm clock, expecting the obnoxious buzzing to go off any second. Her eyes cracked open, and she hissed at the awaiting sunlight. Hauling the pillow over her head, Aelin hid from the light, dreading another day of school. School. Shit. She looked to the alarm clock and stared at the time. School started in five minutes. Her alarm didn't go off.

Scrambling to her bedroom, she tripped on Aedion's prostrate form on the ground, careening into the wall and knocking over her table. "Shit, shit." Aedion moaned from the foot that stepped on his side, and turned to face her. But Aelin had no time to explain. Grabbing her bag and water bottle, she slipped her shoes on and ran to the kitchen, grabbing a handful of migraine pills and a large apple. "I'll be back," she yelled to Aedion. "Don't leave the house!" Then she was sprinting as fast as she could to school, knowing she was already dreadfully late.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She kept a steady pace down the final hall, shoving down her panic and anxiety. Aelin grabbed the door handle and opened the door with all the confidence she could muster. All eyes were on her. Sloppily dressed, unbrushed teeth, greasy face, and tangled hair. She was quite a show. Aelin muttered an apology and headed towards her seat, head down. She neared the window, already prepared to watch the birds when she noticed a silver haired guy sitting in the window seat. Rowan. Not today. Not today.

Aelin just stared at him for a moment. Devastation no doubt scrawled upon her face. He just smirked at her. A pitiful thing it was. Then just to play his power, he swept his gaze out the window and whistled. Bastard. "Miss Galathynius," Mr. Elijah's voice rose above the ringing in her ears, "is there a problem, or are you going to keep disrupting my class?" Aelin sighed and turned towards the seat next to Rowan's. "No sir, sorry sir," was her only response. She sat down, the seat cold from the missing sunlight. A tear threatened to escape, but she refused to break today. Refused to break every day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lunch was even worse. The food turned churned in her stomach. She felt sick. Lysandra sat to her right, and kept her comments from Aelin's hurried look and darting gaze. They sat in the far corner of the cafeteria, away from everyone. After several minutes of awkward silence, Lys started conversation. And not the pleasant kind. "Aelin? Can you look me in the eye?" She nodded and rose her gaze to Lys own set of green eyes.

Lysandra gasped and covered her mouth with her hand. "Where did the gold core go?" she whispered. "Why are you somewhere I can't find you? I've given you months. Months to explain why that spark went out. You won't tell me what happened that night. You won't tell Dorian. Or Adeion. I want you here with me. Not in the land of despair and darkness you hide in." Aelin just shook her head. "I'm here Lys." Lysandra stood up at the nickname and recoiled at the lie that rolled off of Aelin's tongue. "Keep telling yourself that A. When you stop lying and decide to confide in your friend, come talk to me. I's always here but I can't watch you fade away. I can't." Lysandra looked at Aelin one last time before walking away in the direction of the bathroom. Aelin just sat there. She wished so badly to tell someone, anyone, what happened that night. But she couldn't. Not now. Not ever.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The rain started during her last period class. The clouds had turned gray and dark, then the sky was ripped in two by some god, spilling the sky for all to see. The windows were fogged, and small droplets of water raced down the panes. She dreaded the cold walk home, her sweatshirt forgotten at home, and she sure as hell wasn't asking Lysandra. Sighing loudly, the rain drowning out all sounds, Aelin laid her head on her arms and closed her eyes. Seconds passed by, or what seemed like seconds. One moment her head was in the nook of her arm, the next a large hand was shaking her shoulder violently. Her head snapped up, her neck giving a burst of pain from the awkward position. A pair of pine green eyes met hers. Rowan cleared his throat, "Class has been over for fifteen minutes." No. Oh no. She slept through the entire class. "Jeez," Aelin said, scrubbing at her face, "how mad is Miss Ronald's?"

The corners of Rowan's mouth tilted up. "Well, she didn't realize since she is half blind. But we were assigned a shit ton of homework and you didn't receive a single handout." Aelin frowned. "But," he continued, "I took it upon myself to grab a few extras for you." That she was not expecting. A small blush crept up her cheeks. "Oh, um, thanks," was Aelin's dignified response. "I'm Rowan," he said. "Yes. I know." she said. 

"Well..what's your name?"

"Oh! Um. I'm Aelin. Sorry I'm an idiot," she muttered. Of course. 

She grabbed the papers and stood up. "What, um, time is it now?" she asked. Hopefully Aedion didn't cause too much trouble. "3:30." Another head nod. "Thank you again but, um, I got a run home real quick." She had become a stuttering mess. "Let me walk you out," Rowan offered. Sweet, but unnecessary Aelin decided. "No need. I wouldn't want to bother you anymore." But Rowan insisted. 'It's no problem. Really. In fact, it would be my honor." And that's how she ended up in his extremely fancy car. As soon as he'd seen her step into the rain and start walking away from the parking lot, Rowan was dragging her to his car. Maybe not dragging, but close enough.

The radio was quietly playing, and Rowan was turning the heat up as high as possible. The car was slowly rolling down the streets, as if he refused to go faster. To part from her. "One more street and then it's the first on the right," Aelin directed. Rowan nodded. Conversation fell silent. Aelin played with her fingers, twining them in and out. The car continued and Aelin saw her house. The front was painted a light shade of yellow. Flower boxes hung under the windows and bushes grew across the sides of the house. "This is it," Aelin said as Rowan pulled into the smooth driveway. The front door was cracked open and light poured out the windows. Rowan set the parking brake and turned to her. He opened his mouth, but was interrupted when Aedion slammed the front door open in nothing but his boxers. He ran out barefoot and knocked on Aelin's window. "And this," she said to Rowan, "is Aedion. My cousin and the owner of the house. Please excuse his...appearance."

Rowan just chuckled and said his goodbyes, wishing her a goodnight. Aelin climbed out of the car and walked up her front porch steps. She turned and waved at Rowan when she reached the front door then walked inside, savoring the warmth and smell coming from the kitchen. "You finally decided to come home it seems," Aedion said. "You finally decided to sober up and put on clean clothes," she snarled back. "Someones grumpy. You sad your boyfriend left?" Aedion replied smoothly. "He's not my boyfriend, and i'm only grumpy because you broke in at one A.M." The two stared each other down with deadly gazes. Aedion finally broke and grumbled and insincere apology for last night. Aelin just stalked away and slammed her door shut, locked it, and leaned against its sturdy frame. She slid to a crouching position and hugged her knees to her chest. What Aelin didn't know, was that Aedion was on the other side of the door, forehead resting against the wood, listening to her steady breathing. Wishing to mend what was broken. But how could he when he didn't know what was wrong.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Aedion POV

Two weeks ago Aedion received an urgent call from Lysandra. He usually spent his weeks at Adarlan University, studying History, unable to visit his Aelin. He had sensed something was amiss months ago, but never bothered her about it, deciding he didn't want to be mauled by a rabid Aelin when he pried into her personal life. The call though, sent panic to his core. Lysandra had filled him in on her condition: the empty eyes, sunken cheeks, thinned lips. How she never spoke, never ate. Never showed any emotion besides endless pain and despair. So, he'd contacted his professors and met with the University's master, giving vague details about a family crisis.

They had allowed him to take a semester off, and told him to keep in contact if things changed. He had drank himself into oblivion last night, preparing himself for the unexpected. Today, when he'd awoken a second time this morning, the first being an unwelcome foot to his gut, he contacted Dorian. Aelin's male best friend. Dorian had skipped school that day to meet with Aedion. They spent hours catching up and talking of Aelin's mysterious condition. Dorian, too, knew nothing of why she was acting this way. Why she looked that way. No one knew what to do. When she returned home this afternoon in a strangers car, he panicked. And when he saw her face for the first time in weeks, he stopped dead. She looked like a corpse. Pale. Drawn out. Depthless. He hid his shattering heart throughout their argument, but her usual bite was gone. That spark of fire that lit up her eyes was missing. Her core of gold, the one the two of them shared. Nothing remained of the Aelin he once knew. But he was determined to win her back. And he would, no matter what.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hands touched everywhere, branding her. She barely felt the wall behind her amidst her fear. Everything happened so slowly. She was trapped in her mind, unable to form coherent words. The skirt she had worn that night, a usual for her, was short and sweet. Perfect for the mild party. She hadn't drank that night. Only grabbed a bottle of water. But somehow, her words slurred, unable to get "No" across to whoever was touching her. The hands continued their roaming, pulling her skirt to the side. She had enough. Through the fog, her arm swung and hit the stranger touching her. She heard a grunt and curse. She turned to find the door, but was lost in the dark. The figure grabbed her hair and pulled her against his chest, sliding his hand back to her skirt. She didn't want this. She wanted it to stop. But she couldn't move. She was trapped with no escape. Her limbs jelly. Her mind blank. His hand kept moving and moving and she couldn't breathe, she wanted out, out of her skin and she was dying and-

Aelin awoke with a gasp, arms flying around herself. She scanned the room for danger, ready to fight the intruder, but there were no ghost hands. No fog blanketing her senses. A dream. A memory from long ago. Today would be shit then. She dragged herself from the bed, and wandered to the attached bathroom. She gazed at herself in the mirror. Lysandra was right. Despite her best efforts, she'd lost weight, color. Determination. The usual golden light surrounding her was gone. Her eyes a dull, empty pool of blue. Pitiful. She turned away, unable to look at the wreck she had become. She had no rage. Had lost it in the fight for herself.


	3. Chapter 3

The grassy field glistened with dew. Aelin's shoes were soaked through, her socks a sloppy mess. Cars flew through the school parking lot not even seeing her waiting for passage. Her foot tapped the concrete, hands rubbing together roughly. A break in the traffic gave Aelin her perfect moment, and she briskly started walking through the space. She looked down, completely unaware of the car speeding towards her. A screech of tires and a loud horn honk was the only warning she received.

Body jolting and moving to the side, she looked up, heart pounding, and looked Cairn dead in the eyes. Glimpses of hidden memories flashed through her mind, and she just stopped. Hands moved across her body, down her thighs and across her chest. The world kept moving but her entire being stopped. Aelin just kept staring ahead blankly, not even hearing the honk of a car horn. Not seeing the watching eyes. The world wouldn't stop for her. Wouldn't pause to pity her dank stench of fear.

A trembling overtook her, a tear slipped down her cheek. But Aelin was unconscious. Still. Cairn's car started moving forward again despite her body in the middle of the street. But Aelin couldn't move. Wouldn't move. A pair of hands slid around her torso pulling her away from the street. A breath of air in her ear, a hard chest pressed against her back. A dark room entered her head and she started struggling, clawing at the hands, elbowing the muscled sides, and tossing her head around. She wouldn't be taken away. 

The only word was a panted "No, no, no" over and over again. A sob tore through her. Where was she? Not again. Not again. She was thinking too fast. Faster and faster her heart raced. "Aelin!" a voice spoke urgently. "It's me. It's Rowan. You're fine. You're safe."

No. She would never be safe again. Never.

"I've got you. I've got you." Again Rowan spoke gently, but worry coated his voice.

Slowly Aelin stopped fighting, exhaustion setting in after the panic ceased. Her body hung limp, Rowan's arms still around her. Touching her. Touching. That thought awoke an animalistic side of her. She started thrashing again, and landed a blow to his side that had her collapsing to the ground. Panting through her gritted teeth, she wrapped her arms around herself. Where was she? Aelin lifted her head, searching the parking lot, and found nothing. Just an alley of brick on the side of the building where watching eyes couldn't see her. See her struggling and fighting. Rowan stood away from her, just staring mouth agape. His eyes were...fearful. She cowered again.

"Aelin?" Rowan whispered. He crouched down and looked at her. Tears coated her cheeks, her eyes were wide in terror. Her breathing had somewhat evened out. "Aelin?"

Aelin just shook.

"I'm here. Talk to me." Rowan scuttled a step forward and tilted his head, eyes warm.

For a moment, Aelin considered it. She did not know this kind stranger. But she had a feeling he would understand and accept her. But. No one could know. Not a single soul.

"I-I'm alright." she calmed herself. Mastering the fear. Fenrys.

"That's not very convincing," Rowan urged, Not letting the scene to slide by. "What can I do?"

"Just wait. I-I'm." A deep breath. "I'm calling a friend."

She grabbed her phone from the back pocket of her backpack with trembling hands, which Rowan didn't fail to notice. His number was pinned to the very top. A simple click had her phone dialing. He answered on the first ring. "A?"

"Hi, Fen" her voice trembled. And Fenrys being her bestest friend, noticed immediately.

"Baby are you okay? Aren't you supposed to be in school?"

Rowan slightly recoiled when he heard Fen call her baby. She'd deal with that later.

"I need your help. C-Can you pick me up at school?"

"I'm already on my way," was his only reply before he hung up.

Aelin looked back to Rowan, whose eyes had returned to his natural icy green. "Sorry." was all Aelin could think of. 

Rowan's head shook, "What for?"

"Well, you got dragged into my personal life, and I beat the shit out of you. I showed you a glimpse of a side of myself I share with no one, and we met yesterday. I'm just sorry if I overwhelmed you and now you're late to class, and i'm taking up your time and you should probably leave because my friends on his way and I'm just sor-"

"You have nothing to apologize for. I'm not sure what happened, and I'm here if you want to talk to me even if me just met. Your boyfriends on his way for you but I'll wait till he arrives."

Aelin rose a brow. "Boyfriend?"

Rowan just paused. "The guy on the phone? He's not your boyfriend?"

Aelin let out a chuckle. "Hell. No!" Aelin let out a laugh this time. "He's my cousin's roommate. I grew up with him. He's like a brother."

"Oh.Oh." Rowan's mouth lifted slightly, and the tension in his shoulder's uncoiled. Huh. "I could have driven you where you needed to go, you know. I don't mind at all." Aelin just shook her head. "I wouldn't want to bother, really. Fenrys doesn't have school today, unlike you."

They just stared at each other. Rowan took in her battered body. He didn't understand why someone so young could look so...sad. Destroyed by some pressing weight. Some unbearable truth. Rowan was infatuated with the blonde beauty, her eyes stunning even in this state. Some inner chord deep within him pulled towards this strange woman. His eyes traveled down her body, taking in the pale skin, covered in peppered scars. Where were those from? Pausing, he noticed a long, thin scar curving up her inner arm. He sidled closer, causing Aelin to tense. "Where is that from?" Rowan said, pointing to the scar. Aelin looked at it and ran a finger along the ridge. She opened her mouth, then closed it again. "Me and Fenrys were in a car accident years ago. His brother, Connall, was killed in the crash. Me and Fen, we...connect over the accident. It's a terrible memory and we have the scars to remember it, but there's a bond between us now. One, my cousin Aedion, doesn't quite understand." Aelin frowned, lips thinning.

Rowan continued-or would have if a car hadn't pulled next to them. Fenrys. Aelin stood on trembling legs as Fenrys practically flew out of his car. He ran to her, folding Aelin into his arms. Aelin wrapped her arms around him and breathed steadily for the first time that day. His sent of pure freedom swirled in her lungs. Fenrys just whispered soothing words.

Aelin pulled back, releasing her grasp on his shirt. "How'd you get here so fast?"

"Well," Fen said, "I was in the middle of eating my waffles at a Denny's down the street when you called, so I wasn't too far away. And, there weren't any cops out." He winked and Aelin smiled.

She turned, remembering Rowan. "Thank you Rowan. I'll see you tomorrow." But, before she could walk away, Fenrys grabbed her hand and started pulling her towards him. "We haven't been introduced," Fen purred. Not now! Rowan just straightened and stared into Fenrys' gaze. So territorial. Men! "Yes, um, Fen this is Rowan he's in my class. He helped me through my...episode."

Fenrys just stiffened, his grip tightening on her hand. A growl rumbled through his chest. Aelin pinched his side, "He was being nice, so stop being an irritating bastard and shake his damn hand like a respectable man."

Fenrys pinched her back, then stuck his hand out. "I'm Fenrys, Aelin's best friend."

Rowan just snorted, and looked down his nose. No better than dogs. "Rowan," he finally said. They were both bastards. Annoying. A raging pain in her ass.

Aelin waved and walked towards the car. She slid into the passenger seat and patiently waited for Fenrys to start the car. But, he stayed talking to Rowan for another minute. Two. She was getting ready to grab him and drag him to the car, when they shook hands once more, although in a more gentlemanly nature. "What was that about?" she asked when he opened his car door. "Nothing." was his single word response. "Where are we off to?"

Aelin thought for a moment then grinned devilishly, "Ice cream?"


	4. Chapter 4

The large vanilla cone dripped precariously close to her hand. The napkin, thank goodness, soaked up most of the melted drizzle. Aelin was extremely happy. She was on her third cone that morning and it wasn’t even ten. Fenrys just watched her, something obviously nagging at him. They hadn’t spoken of the...problem yet, and Aelin had no plans too. She was grateful, of course, to have a day off. Keeping her memories under lock and key took no small amount of effort. 

Fenrys has been silent on the ride to the Drive In, his eyes secretly watching Aelin for any signs. But she seemed fine. More than fine. The earlier incident forgotten completely. Or, buried deep. He just didn’t understand. It was as if she was wearing a second skin, her usual fiery self covered in this imposter layer. Her acting hadn’t fooled him one bit.

Fenrys has been casually observing her pound ice cream cone after cone, her stomach an endless tunnel of hunger. He couldn’t blame her, food was on the top of his list too. But his patience was running thin, the hold on his questions weakening. 

Finally, Aelin gathered all the strength and wit she could muster and spoke, “You haven’t eaten your ice cream yet.”

Fenrys snapped back, “I wonder why?!” Pausing and reining in his anger, Fenrys sighed, nostrils flaring. “A, ” Fen said, scrubbing his face, “I’m so worried. I love you so much, you are my best friend, and no one can change that, but where did you go? I’m here for you, no matter what happened, but I can't help if i don't know what's wrong. And of course I’ll wait till you’re ready, but my heart is breaking for you.”

Aelin’s eyes filled, a tear silently escaping. She didn’t cry, ever, but for her friend, she’d allow him to see her brokenness. “Fenrys, I-I...I love you, so, so much. I want to tell you. And I would, but I can’t. No one can know. I’m sorry.” And she was. If anyone was to know, it would be him. 

Fen just nodded, understanding as he always did, and moved into her seat. He slung his arm over her shoulder and kissed her forehead. She sighed and rested her head on his chest. Fenrys used the distraction to take a huge lick off her cone and Aelin’s screeches could be heard from miles away. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rowan POV

Rowan’s head was still reeling from his earlier encounter with Aelin. The fear had been rolling off of her, the dark energy bucking and roiling. He didn’t know what had been done to her, but rage was still riding him hard hours later. Rowan had acted on pure instinct earlier, seeing her frozen form in the way of a car had been more than he could take. She was so different from his Lyria, and that was one of the main reasons he was so drawn to her. Her considerate silence, the face that mirrored his own, and the aura surrounding her. He suspected a bright light was trapped behind her walls, a light that could destroy and create. That would not stop burning. 

He wanted so badly to see who she really was. What she really was. And for whatever reason, Rowan decided he would fight whatever was thrown his way to see the hidden soul. The soul that unknowingly belonged to him. And his to her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
The words had been pulled right from her heart. They curled around her thumping, black lump of blood and muscle and slowly stitched the strings back together. The words coated her soul, allowing air to enter and exit freely. Aelin clutched onto the leather bound book, her favorite. It had been a gift from her parents many years ago. A compilation of all her childhood fairytales. Her mother's handwriting scrawled across every page, small notes from her dad boxed on the sides. Fenrys’ head laid in her lap, his curly blonde hair sprawled across his forehead. His eyelids were closed, although she knew he was wide awake despite the time of night. The two just breathed each other in. Her bedsheets were tied in a knot around her neck. Her cape. Fenrys insisted that only a superhero could be as cool and strong as her, so he donned a sword belt, she her cape, and they played like the kids they used to be. The room had been thoroughly trashed after their “fight”. Aelin suffering from a stab wound to the side, Fenrys still regaining his breath from being strangled to death by Aelin’s cape. 

Growing bored of staring at her book pages, the stories already ingrained in her head, Aelin began brushing Fenrys’ hair with her fingers. She separated three sections and braided his golden strands. A purr-like noise echoed from his throat, and Aelin chuckled. No better than a dog. “Hey Fen?” 

“Hmm, A?” was his mumble back. Sleepy baby.

“Do you remember that time-”

Aelin’s door slammed open, rudely interrupting her train of thought. She whipped her head towards the intruder, fully prepared to beat the shit out of whoever interrupted her late night bonding with Fenrys. “The hell do you want Aedion!”

“The hell I want?! What I want to know is why your principal had to call me at nine this morning, asking why you weren’t at school. Then, I spent the rest of my day searching for you! You scared me A!” Aedion trembled. Aelin just rolled her eyes at his outburst, deciding if he wanted to rip her head off, she wouldn’t fight the inevitable. She’d prefer if Fenrys didn’t watch, but death couldn’t be perfect. 

“I can take care of myself you know? I’m a big girl now. Especially with the cape.” A shit-eating grin graced her features, provoking her cousins fury. 

Fenrys shot a warning glare in her direction, begging her to ease off and not get murdered tonight. She shrugged her response.

Aedion started but was interrupted, “Me and Fen decided to spend the day together, and since school deserves a bit of hell every now and then, I decided to leave without calling.” Aelin met Fenrys’ gaze, and begged him to stay silent about her episode. 

He got the message, and being the good puppy he was, saved her neck. Yet again. “Sorry Aedion, if I’d known you would get this worked up I would've called them myself. Please don’t skin us alive?” Aelin vigorously nodded her head, adding to the innocence.  
Aedion, being the softy he is, looked at them once over before marching out the door. He called over his shoulder, “You two are Hellion.”

Aelin jumped up from the bed, and clicked her door closed. She spun around, and cracked up. Fenrys joined her, barely getting air into his lungs. “Poor, poor Aedion.” Aelin breathed between her bursts of laughter.

Somehow, Fenrys made her forget. Made her an entirely different person. Or, really made her into what she used to be. What she wished she could still be. The thought saddened her, quickly putting a cap on the laughter. “Will you stay with me tonight?” Aelin’s whispered words barely audible across the room. His reply came not even a second later, “Of course. Of course.”

She padded across the room and climbed into the bed. Fenrys’ arms quickly wrapped around her, his warmth seeping into her skin. Her inner self. Her head lay across from his, their eyes watching the other. Her kids drifted close, and Fenrys hugged her closer. 

“Will you tell me a story Fen?”

“Yes, A”

He paused for a couple moments, conjuring up a story as fast as possible. He began and her heart melted like chocolate. Her favorite chocolate cake that is. 

“Once upon a time, in a land, long since burned to ash, there lived a young princess who loved her kingdom…”

Aelin’s dreams that night were filled with daring adventures, very handsome males, and a world she knew she belonged in. A land where there were no bad dreams, were no nightmares. A place she could call home. But that was just it. The land wouldn’t fit her dark stain of a soul. She would ruin the beauty. Taint its innocence. Just as hers had been tainted. No she deserved to rot. For now though, she dreamed and slept soundly for the first time in months. Her best friends arms holding her together. As he always would.


	5. Chapter 5

Aelin decided, as the late bell rang, that bed was her favorite place to be. She desperately missed her warm blankets, soft pillows, and silence. Class was a bore. Her interest lost seconds after Mr. Elijah began his lesson. All Aelin wanted was a brownie, a gallon of ice cream, and a Rom-com movie.

After 30 minutes of droning voices, Aelin decided a nap would be a great way to spend the rest of class. No one would notice. Except Rowan, who today, decided to sit right next to her. His eyes rarely left her limp form, and he seemed to be counting her breaths. Annoying bastard. Why couldn’t he leave her alone?! He had followed her through the parking lot, down the halls, and right into the classroom, his stare right between her shoulder blades the entire time. 

“Alright class, let’s get into pairs of two to begin the project!” Elijah’s voice woke her from the stupor she’d been enhanced in. Ugh. Projects. Partners.

Aelin was the only person still seated, everyone else jumping up to be with their friends. She wanted to work alone. But her desire was completely ignored, because a tall male body stood in front of her desk. Rowan. Ughhhhhh.

“We’re partners now whether you like it or not.” The chair he had dragged over was set in front of her, his large form barely fitting in it. “Well, I don’t need a partner, thank you very much.” Aelin harrumphed, crossing her arms and turning away. “Too. Bad.” Rowan replied, his tone sugar sweet. 

Aelin stuck her tongue at him, refusing to give him any satisfaction. “I also have no idea what we’re doing, so since you insisted on being with me, of all people, you can be in charge.” Aelin grinned at him, “I’m taking a cat nap, so keep watch like a good dog.”

Rowan growled, but thankfully allowed her to drift to sleep. For five minutes, that is. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Apparently Rowan decided they were friends now, and hounded her to the lunch room after third period. Her sandwich and apple paled in comparison to his lunch. The little f*** sat next to her yet again, and spread his food out into her space. A slice of cake was set into to her field of vision, and upon seeing the creamy frosting, Aelin decided it was hers.

Lysandra joined their table and her eyes widened upon seeing Rowan. Rowan stood to get a fork for the steamy rice he’d brought, and Lysandra took the opportunity to ask a few...questions. 

“Holy shit he’s hot. Way to go girly, you got a good one this time. He almost beats my beauty, and that’s saying a lot.” Lys threw a wink her way, a sly grin appearing.

“It’s not like that! He’s just the new kid in my class. We’re partners for a project, courtesy of him, not me. And between you and me, I’m still the most beautiful out of the three of us.” Aelin looked at Rowan, his back turned to them. She could say that he was the most attractive man she’d ever seen without question, but that didn’t mean she was romantically drawn to him. Or so she tried to convince herself. She wouldn’t mind one bit to see what was beneath those clothes, what his hands would feel like on her body-

No. She was most definitely NOT thinking of that. A blush crept up her cheeks, setting her ears aflame. “Ooo, someones blushing,” Lysandra purred, wiggling her brows. Aelin had every intention to push her friend straight off the chair she was in, but was interrupted by Dorian waltzing up to the table. “Hello fine ladies.” Dorian bowed to them, ever the pigheaded gentleman. “I seem to have interfered with your nefarious plans dear Aelin” 

‘Why, whatever are you suggesting, my lord?” she cooed, a hand clasping her chest. 

“Well, the knife in your hand might indicate the swift murder of the lady Lysandra, along with your eyes, which were, you could say, devilishly pleased.” Dorian continued the trial, knowing exactly that he had indeed caught Aelin. 

And Aelin, knowing she’d been caught, just flipped off her friend. 

“That, my friend, is not very courtly,” a voice rumbled. Rowan had seen the entire interaction, it seemed, clearly amused at the ridiculousness of it all. Aelin just chucked a strawberry at his gorgeous face. “You guys are the worst!” she squealed. 

Everyone just ignored her, deciding it was all deserved. They continued their meal in a semi-silence. Aelin had popped in her earbuds, Lysandra texted whatever guy she was marrying this week, and Dorian read his newest romance novel. Rowan just ate and watched Aelin, who hadn’t spoken a word to him. He was also well aware of the hand she’d placed on the table, slowly inching closer and closer to the cake he had. She hadn’t touched her own food, which angered him to no end. 

Ten minutes passed before Aelin got beaten to death by Rowan. 

“Aelin?”

“Yes Buzzard?”

He snorted at the name. “How long until you decide to steal my cake? It’s been ten minutes and you haven’t made your move.” 

Aelin gaped at him. “What are you talking about? I’m not some common criminal that steals others food!” 

“Keep telling yourself hon, but you’ve had your eyes on my oh-so creamy cake since I pulled it out.”

Lysandra and Dorian just watched them bicker, happy for some entertainment.

“If you wanted it, you could’ve just asked. I am a gentleman, and I share with the poor, needy souls. And you, my dear, are one of the most pitiful rats.”

Aelin just grumbled a string of incoherent words, casting a vulgar gesture his way too. 

Rowan grinned, and pulled an extra fork from his lunchbox. “Eat as much as Milady wants.”

Considering throwing his arrogance in his face, she just decided to shove it up his ass some other day and greedily snached the fork from his outstretched hand. Aelin lifted the lid off the container, and breathed in the scent of heaven. She speared a bite larger than anyone ought to be able to swallow, and shoved the massive piece in her mouth.

Rowan watched as her eyes rolled back into her head. She moaned and he swore he felt heat flare. She was beautiful and he wanted to touch her and drag his teeth over her glorious skin. He wanted her to emit those noises when he was in-

He stopped his thoughts there, before his hard on was noticeable. What the hell was he thinking?! She obviously didn’t feel the same about him, and he had no interest in taking her to bed. Of...loving her. Even liking her was out of the question. Hands off. Control. 

Rowan lifted his eyes to Lysandra, and she cast a knowing smile his way, eyes glinting. Oh, she was well aware. How? He wasn’t sure. But she seemed like a romantic of sorts. 

Hands off. His new favorite words. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rowan had one more thing to do today. His last class, thankfully, was shared with Aelin. He’d spent the entire hour in full on panic mode. What if she said no? What if she didn’t want to be friends at all? Too many what ifs. 

But through all the possibilities, he would hate himself for eternity if he didn’t try. The only issue was that time loved torturing him. The clock. Wouldn’t. Move.   
And Aelin was practically sleeping two seats away from him. How on earth was she not failing every class? There wasn’t a single time he hadn’t seen her asleep, except for lunch. 

She truly was the strangest, most complicated woman he’d ever met. 

Aelin’s eyes flicked to him, and she winked. Knowing he’d been caught staring, a slight blush tingling his cheeks, he winked right back. 

The bell, thank god, rang. Finally. Jumping from his seat, he gathered his stuff quickly, and walked towards her. But she’d disappeared. He ran out of the room, looking for the golden woman, and saw her vanish around the corner. Damn. She walked fast. 

Trailing at a slow jog, he rounded the same corner and collided with her. 

“God’s Rowan! Watch it you hulking ass!” 

Thinking and acting faster than he realized, he blurted out like the stammering idiot he was, “Can I have your number?!” 

“Already a lovesick bastard I see?” She flipped her hair for emphasis, exposing her slender neck that he wanted to bite. 

No. Not now hormones. 

“It’s for the project dumbass. And we are friends, and friends usually talk am I right?” 

“Fine fine, I can’t say I wouldn’t want my own number too. I would talk to myself all day.”

“Someone thinks highly of themselves.” Rowan wasn’t surprised.

“Just give me your phone.” He handed it over, brushing his fingers with her own. 

It took but a moment for her to add her contact, sending a message entailing something. “Read the message when you get home.”

Aelin spun and sauntered away, blowing a kiss in the air. “Talk to you in an hour Buzzard!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An hour later, Rowan plopped onto his couch, and clicked on Aelin’s secret message. The words made him choke. Someone needed to censor her.

“Please keep your cock in your pants during lunch. You’ll be buying me breakfast tomorrow at the Drive In. Here’s my address.”

Her address was attached below, but all he could think about was that she’d caught him. And that she’d left the horrific message. He’d fallen in love with Satan it seemed.


	6. Chapter 6

The first text sent jitters through Aelin’s blood. Usually, she remained cool and calculated while flirting, but Rowan made her into a mess of nerves and blushing. She wasn’t sure when, or if, he’d read her message, but her gut had been clenched for the past hour.

Aedion was passed out on the couch and Fenrys had left Monday for school, promising to return over the weekend. Aelin had the house practically to herself, since Aedion slept like a lifeless body. No one could ever, or should ever, wake him from sleep. 

She’d been chilling on her bed since she arrived home, homework spread out around her. A quiet song played in the background. A large sweatshirt framed her form. Or, swallowed really. Fenrys had gifted her one of his own, after she had stolen five of his over the Christmas weekend last year. 

A ping echoed through her room. A text message. Rowan. Aelin grappled with the sheets, flinging them everywhere to find her damn phone. She spotted it at the edge of her bed, slipping off the side. She lurched, catching it but sending herself flying off and landing with a loud “oomph”. Aelin sat up, silently laughing at her ridiculousness. She finally looked to her screen, and her heart lurched. It was a message. It was from Rowan. 

“I thought you’d be bragging to the entire school that the hot, new kid has a thing for you. I’ll grab you at 6?” Aelin read the message over at least a dozen times, mesmerizing his words. 

Her response was filled with her usual sass and wit. 

“If I knew you wanted to play so much I would have had you over tonight and forget the breakfast formalities. But, since we have a 6 am date, I’ll give you a pass tonight.”

She knew exactly what words she used, and Aelin wanted to know if this truly was a date or not. She knew he didn’t like her, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t hang out as friends. For now.

Aelin waited for the ping. For his response. But nothing came. She stared at her screen for fifteen minutes before her hopes dropped. Of course, she’d scared him away. She had to chill with that smartass mouth of hers.

Patience running out, Aelin returned to her homework, half of her focus still watching her phone.

Hours passed before he texted his response. 

“I’ll see you in five hours Aelin.” 

Butterflies erupted and she grinned. He’d said her name. She could hear his accent, her name rolling off his tongue. 

She was in shit. Deep shit.

“I’ll see you in five Buzzard.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For the first time in months, Aelin was excited to wake up. Sleeping was the last thing on her mind and she was up well before her alarm. Even though she’d only known him for a week, Aelin felt like she’d known him for years. 

She donned a pair of jeans and a plain white shirt, a casual outfit but snazzy enough to catch attention. 

Gods it had been ages since she felt this…buzz of activity in her blood. She couldn’t wait to see Rowan.

Aelin hadn’t warned Aedion of her date, so when the doorbell rang, she heard the loudest groan from the living room and a curse so violent her blood curdled. 

Dashing from her room, Aelin stomped to the front door and flung the door from its frame, near ripping it from the hinges in her excitement. And there he stood in his glory. Rowan was wearing a maroon sweater that set his eyes sparkling. His jeans were casual but of fine make. His lips were sensual, to say the least, and his hair was brushed and ohhhhhh. She was going to combust. 

Rowan smiled, eyes crinkling in that oh so adorable way of his. “Good morning to you too Aelin.”

“Hi,” she breathed. She undoubtedly looked like a strawberry. 

“You look beautiful.” Rowan held a hand out for her and she eagerly grabbed it. He gave a quick squeeze and lead her out the door. 

Aelin threw a loud “goodbye you prick” over her shoulder to Aedion. To which he responded with a special finger he just loved to use. 

Rowan chuckled and led her to his car. He slid her into her seat and walked around to his. Once his door was closed, he turned to her. “Since I'm new, I have no idea where this Drive In is. Directions would be greatly appreciated.” 

“Well, turn right out of my neighborhood, follow the main street for half a mile, then we’ll practically be there.”

“Alright. Any music you’d like to play?” 

Aelin shook her head. All she wanted was to listen to his voice. His deep baritone and lulling purr. Oh she was fucked.

Rowan pulled out and drove to the breakfast house. The ride was quiet, a peaceful mood flowing through the car. Rowans hand lay on the console, his palm facing up. She wanted to slip her small, delicate fingers through his. To hold his callused palm. What a romantic she had become. 

Just don’t like him too much she kept reminding herself, but that task turned more impossible the longer he was with her. He opened her car door, he asked what she wanted to listen to, he admitted not knowing the directions. He was a damn gentleman. 

When they arrived, the two of them chose a booth seat in the back by a window. Aelin knew exactly what she wanted, but Rowan took the time to scour the menu. 

The barista fetched them waters, and finally got their orders. Aelin, of course, went first.

“I’ll have a stack of seven pancakes, double the sugar. Two servings of sweetened eggs. Three sausage links and a half a cup of powdered sugar. Please and thank you.”

Rowan just stared at her, mouth agape at the amount of food she ordered. Or, the amount of sugar in the food. 

The barista just jotted it down, already used to the peculiar order of Aelin Galathynius. 

Rowan shook his head, “I’ll have a waffle, no butter and whole grain with a cup of 2% milk.”

It was Aelin’s turn to gape like a fish. 

As soon as the woman was out of sight and ear, Aelin started, “Whole grain?! It’s an abomination! Yuck.” 

She pretended to barf over the side of the table, holding her throat and making ridiculous impressions of gagging sounds. 

“Says the girl who’s about to eat ten pounds of pure sugar. It’s a miracle you don’t have diabetes already.”

“Better than being deprived of all things good and holy you buzzard.” Aelin was barely holding in her laughter. This poor man has so much to learn. 

“You just wait. I’m making you eat some of my beautiful pancakes whether you like it or not.” Aelin’s eyes gleamed, and Rowan rose to the challenge. 

“Is that so Princess?”

“It is my command, Prince.”

“Then you must eat some of my whole grain delicacies.”

“And sully my dignity? I think not.” 

“Sully? No. Redeem is a better word.” Rowan couldn’t wait till Aelin ate her words.

“We seem to be at ends yet again. The banter is to be a never ending endeavor.” And Aelin loved it. She had finally found a match. Someone to keep her entertained. Someone to keep her own entertainment, partially, safe. 

Now on to small talk. Oh what a bore. 

“Do you read my dearest Rowan?” If not, this relationship would not go far. 

“Well, of course. One must establish a firm foundation in the arts to succeed.” Thank the gods. The man had a head on his shoulders. 

“Your favorite genre, author, and work?” Details. Aelin learned that the hard way.

“Any romance by Jane Austen. And you Aelin?”

He likes romance!? Oh she was definitely swooning now. She had stumbled upon perfection. As for her, Aelin loved any and all words. Good or bad. The swirling fonts were scrawled into her skin, the words flowing in her own blood. She cried words. She laughed words. She was made of too many words. 

“As for me, you romantic, I don’t have a favorite. Anything I can get my hands on will be the favorite for the remainder of time it is in my possession. I find a piece of myself in every book, so I can’t choose a favorite. Although, I do prefer poetry over history. Bleh, poor history. Never the favorite, at least among the sane.”

“Agreed,” Rowan continued, “What’s your favorite foods?”

Wrong question. She’d never shut up now.

“Get ready, Rowan. This is going to take a while.” And then Aelin launched into the controversial topic of her favorite food. 

She was barely halfway through her potato section of dishes when their pancakes arrived, steaming and utterly glorifying. Aelin was surprised her drool wasn't already covering the tabletop. Rowan’s eyes had widened slightly, admiring the golden, fluffy clouds. 

“Now that my food is actually here, I don't think I want to share.” Aelin admitted. The thought of giving away even a sliver made her stomach ache. It belonged to her gut and her gut only. Rowan had reached the same consensus in his seat, already pouring a drizzle of syrup over his...whole wheat things. 

“Hurry up! It’s my turn,” Aelin whined pathetically. She clapped her hands together like a toddler, signaling her impatience. 

“Goodness, your just like my niece.” Rowan handed over the syrup, albeit reluctantly. 

“Keep saying that grandpa, and I’ll show you just how childish I can be.”

“Grandpa?”

“Well, yes. I assumed you were aware. Your hair of silver is a tell of old people.”

Rowan choked. Aelin grinned. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Aelin was truly grateful it was Saturday. After eating her entire plate before Rowan finished a single pancake, Aelin stole bites from his plate. She had to admit they were good, but not as good as triple sugar deckers. 

She would most definitely puke it all up later, but she wouldn’t regret anything for the next hour she still had with Rowan. 

Rowan had paid for breakfast, despite Aelin’s resistance. She was perfectly capable of buying breakfast since he was driving, but he persisted, and she couldn’t say no to a free meal every once in a while (every other day).

After they exited the Drive In and piled into the car, stomachs near exploding, Aelin suggested they visit the nearby bookstore. Rowan had no qualms against going, but begged she keep him on a short leash or else they’d never leave. Not that she’d mind that one bit. 

What Aelin hadn’t shared yet, was that the bookstore was a private residence open to special members with reservations. Aelin had planned ahead and reserved the after breakfast time and requested a private session so just the two of them occupied the space. 

The building was in the shape of an old farmhouse. The white paint was slightly chipped and the steps were creaky. A small swing hung under the roof in the middle of the wrap around porch. That was her favorite spot. There were windows framing the entire face of the house, and the door was a bright red. Aelin was already lighter than air. 

Rowan was silent, his eyes scanning the building. Aelin began to worry it wasn’t up to his standards, already regretting bringing him somewhere so special. His next words relieved some ancient ache though, and she swore that she couldn't already love him this much. 

“It’s your sanctuary,” he whispered. 

Grabbing his hand with more gall than she had, Aelin led him into the bookstore. The entrance room was simple. A few chairs, small lamps, and flower vases. The curtains were drawn to allow sunlight to creep along the floorboards. But the door beyond the entryway led to the real haven.

Books were scattered everywhere. Shelves upon shelves layered the walls, hidden doorways leading to secret rooms littered the walls. Art and sculptured hung from the ceiling. 

Aelin led Rowan into her favorite hidden passage. The poetry room.

The walls were painted a midnight blue, stars speckled the ceiling. There wasn’t a single window, but the room was aflame in candlelight. The white wax dripped down the walls, the flames dancing in the shadows. A couch rested by an empty wall, blankets and pillows piled high. 

Grabbing a small book from a pile, Aelin led Rowan to the couch and snuggled up next to him. She opened the cover reverently and read aloud to Rowan her favorite verses. 

Aelin realized, then, that she was happy. Really, really happy. And it was all because of the white haired male next to her.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if the writing is sloppy. I wrote this all in 3 hours. Please enjoy!

Monday couldn’t come fast enough. The words were poison on Aelin’s tongue, but they couldn’t be truer. After Rowan dropped her off at home before lunch, explaining he needed to be at work, Aelin had laid in her bed staring at the ceiling. She had loads of homework to start on, a project with Rowan being one of the dozens of assignments due. Aelin hadn’t even opened her bag. 

Deciding against cramming it all on Sunday night, a first for her, Aelin gathered her papers and started to work. 

Fenrys had texted earlier, briefly explain he would be at the house in an hour to eat. Of course. 

A storm rumbled in the distance, the promise of rain igniting Aelin’s blood. She couldn’t wait to feel the rain coating her skin like a second layer. To feel it wash away the past week. The gray skies were tantalizing, and sleep pulled at her consciousness. If only she could follow the oblivion farther. To have her skin pulled off and made anew, so the invisible hand prints could finally be erased. 

Aelin allowed those invisible hands to roam her throat, to crawl down her windpipe and squeeze. Her breathing faltered then stopped. Her skin paled and her pulse thumped. Her body followed the beating, pounding louder and louder, she lost sight of the room and entered an empty space. The air was gone. There was no light. So simple this life, this body. She was nothing. No one. 

But, she could still feel the tanned hand in her own. The thumb that swiped long, luxurious strokes down her thumb. The hand that belonged to a silver haired man. A silver haired man that made her want to live. Rowan. Even his name held promises. 

Aelin returned to the present. The old ghost hands replaced by Rowan’s gentle touches. 

She was recalling the way Rowan’s eyes crinkled when he smiled when the doorbell rang, jolting her from the stupor entrancing her attention. Fenrys was here. For an afternoon snack no doubt. 

Aedion had gone to the store to restock the food supply, emptied by the male standing at the front door. Vicious carnivore. 

“Coming!” Aelin shouted, hoping to be heard over the ring of the doorbell. He rang it over and over again. Patience little pup!

“Hurry up, A! I’m cold.” Baby. 

“Stop your whining,” she spat, swinging the front door open. Fenrys, who had been leaning against the hardwood, flew through the door face first. Aelin sidestepped his attack, continuing her professional weather report, “The weather has been exceptional today. High 70’s is improvement. Better than snow.” 

Fenrys, now splayed across the floor, cursed at her. 

“What a way to treat your friend. Shameful, really.” Aelin stuck her tongue out, stepping over his limp frame. “I’m quite tired of babysitting your lazy ass.”

“Fine. I can suck up,” Fen said, switching his position so he was kneeling before her, “Mom, would you do the honor of cooking me a grilled cheese? Please?”

“How can I say no to my favorite son.” 

“I'm your only son, A”

“That’s my point. I only have one miserable option to choose from.” Aelin spun away, sashaying to the kitchen. It took but a minute to start the grilled cheese and slice an apple for the appetizer. 

Fenrys munched while Aelin slaved away. What a mom she’d become. 

“So Mom,” Fenrys prompted, “Can we visit them today?” 

Aelin’s muscles tensed. Of course he wanted to see them today. 

“I’ll think about,” she quickly countered. 

“A. It’s been over four months. I can’t go alone,” Fenrys pleaded. 

Aelin wasn’t sure she could go. She wanted to go. But, she was tainted. Her skin molded worse than theirs ever could be. 

“Fine. We can go, but we can’t stay too long. I have homework. And I know you do too, don’t you lie to me boyo.” Aelin pointed her steaming spatula at Fen, cocking it back and forth in preparation to chuck it at his golden head. 

“Got it! I got it, have mercy you cruel woman!”

Oh she could be cruel.

“If you behave, you can have your grilled cheese. If not, I get the gooey cheddar all to myself.”  
Aelin cocked a brow in question. 

Fenrys begged once more, though it would not be the last time. Not even close. 

“I swear, I’ll be good, on the life of my grilled cheese.”

Go figure.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Aelin and Fenrys pulled onto the gavel road, heading beyond the iron gates. Headstones speckled the green hills, flowers and stones resting by the names. They parked the car in the middle lot and climbed out. A light sprinkle fell from the sky, casting a gray fog over the cemetery. 

Fenrys headed to the left, holding a handful of speckled rocks from his college campus. Aelin trudged straight, to the furthest corner of the field. She held a single green rock. Green the color of Rowan’s eyes. 

Her Sam. He would never meet Rowan.

The rain fell steadily now. Aelin’s clothes were soaked through, the shoes she’d chosen now a swamp of cold water. But this was a well-deserved visit.

When she arrived at the stone, Aelin curled onto her side, her face turned towards the cold, gray rock. Her hand traced his name, his birthday. But she refused to touch the date after. The day his heart stopped. The day he stopped seeing his favorite colors. 

Sam Cortland. Beloved. 

It had been two years now. It had been like every other day. Such a normal day. They’d gone to school together, ate lunch together, drove home together. But she never saw him again. The doctor said it was painless. That he wouldn’t have even known he was dying. But Aelin felt it. Aelin knew. 

A brain aneurysm. That's what they called it. He just stopped existing. There were no warning signs. No way anything could be done. 

The worst part? His mother found him with his phone in his hand, a photobook in his lap. Aelin’s playlist was playing from his phone at full volume and the picture book was from their childhood. The childhood they shared. The book from their first prom sat next to him on the couch, like he was planning to look through it next. 

Sam was ripped from her and she couldn’t stop it. Everything from that day was his last, and he didn’t know it. Didn’t know that was his last sunrise, last water bottle, last time holding a pencil. That was the last time they held hands. Last time they kissed. Last time Sam would drive. His last time listening to music. 

And that was the unbearable part. His last breathe he spent alone. 

Aelin had laid a rock by his grave every month since he’d been stolen from her. But the last four months, she’d been able to see him. To speak to him. How could she? Other hands had touched her. Touched her in places Sam used to touch. In places Sam never touched. And she didn’t want those hands on her. 

Rowan’s hands though, slowly healed her today. She hoped Sam would’ve liked him. She knew he would’ve. 

Standing from her crouched position, Aelin started walking to Fenrys. The rain was so thick, Aelin could barely see her feet. It was time they left. 

Connall’s grave lay 100 yards in front of her, Fenrys’ form standing before it. Aelin moved to his side and grabbed his hand. She tugged him away from the truth written in stone. Fenrys had lost his twin. A bond so sacred, Aelin could never imagine the burden on his shoulders. One twin to live. One to die. 

In the car, they sat in silence. The rain pounded the earth outside, mighty drums echoing throughout the world. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The couch was barely big enough for Fenrys to lay on. But with Aelin on top of his chest, the fit was a miracle. The two had changed into the softest set of pajamas they owned and shared a gallon of strawberry ice cream. 

Aedion was in the chair vertical to the full couch, chomping on a slice of cold pizza. His computer was balanced precariously on his lap. A set of headphones dangled from around his neck. He was the portrait of modern sophistication. 

Aelin was vigorously reading the novel in her hands, a new fantasy series by her favorite author. Her mind though, kept wandering to Rowan. She wanted to text him, but she couldn’t seem too eager. It was his turn to text first. 

Fenrys was softly snoring underneath her, his chest rising and sinking. 

Aelin’s book was a fantastical realm she wished was her reality. A brave assassin turned queen fought for her kingdom, allying with powerful armies and working to win a better world. And a slowburn romance that turned her into a mess of hormones. 

If only she had fire powers to burn her enemies to dust. 

Her phone vibrated in her pocket. Whipping it out, Rowan’s name was listed at the top.

“Thank you for the wonderful morning Aelin. Next week the same time sound good?”

Well, she was now a busy woman.

"I would love to spend my morning with you next week. Thank YOU for today! I started on the project today (ugh), and finished about half. I'll see you Monday."

Rowan's response came barely a second later.

"Or you could see me now. I'm in your driveway." 

Holy shit. Aelin leaped off of Fenrys' chest and ran to the front door. There, in her driveway, was Rowan Whitethorns' car. 

"Who's there, A?" Aedion shouted over his music. 

"A friend. Do I look okay?" Aelin glanced at herself. Poofy pants, fuzzy socks, and Fenrys' sweatshirt. Her hair was still wet from the rain and hung in ringlets around her shoulders. Not the most ideal style. 

"Why do you care? Is there a boy out there I need to beat up!" Aedion began to stand.

"No! It's Lysandra and...Dorian! I'll be right back." Aelin sprinted down the steps, careful of the big rain puddles. 

Rowan was standing by the hood of the car, his arms crossed across his chest. A blanket was wrapped around his shoulders. 

"What the hell are you doing here? Aedion's going to beat your ass if he sees you."

Rowan pushed out his lower lip, pouting like...well, her. "Well, I missed you already." 

"It's been eight hours. Surely you can entertain yourself without my presence."

"Maybe." 

"Well, I was snuggled on the couch when you texted so I'm going back." Aelin turned and started towards the door when he called her once more. 

"Do you have to go?" Rowan pleaded.

Aelin paused, then did the most reckless thing she could think of. 

Marching over to his slouched form, she stood on her toes and kissed his cheek. Softly.

Rowan stilled and blinked slowly. 

"Goodnight, Rowan."

Aelin turned away a final time and reached the door before he called his response.

"Goodnight, Aelin."

When she entered the house, Aelin peeked out the shades and spotted Rowan staring at her front door. Her heart melted when she saw his hand resting on his cheek. Right where she had kissed him.


	8. Chapter 8

Happiness was just a wonderful mood Aelin declared. She couldn't remember the last time she felt this weightless, but being with Rowan stole all the air from her lungs and made her float. 

Two weeks had passed since Aelin had kissed Rowan’s cheek in her driveway. They hadn’t spoken of it. In fact, they ignored the entire situation and sunk in a pool of awkwardness when they talked. But Aelin couldn’t find it in herself to mind. She loved being flustered and red, and she loved seeing Rowan stumble over his words even more. 

Rowan had taken Aelin to dinner after they finished their English project, mostly as an excuse to spend more time with her. The two had talked forever, seeming to never run out of conversation starters. Aelin told Rowan about her large family, and in turn Rowan talked about his in Wendlyn. 

Over dessert, Aelin explained the death of her parents. How they’d died in a house fire while Aelin was with Aedion for spring break when she was eight. The story was sad, but Aelin didn’t allow the memories to take hold. For all she knew, they were in a better place and she would see them again one day. 

Rowan, apparently, also lost his parents at a young age, although not as tragically as Aelin. They had been old when Rowan was conceived, and they died peacefully together. 

The rest of the dinner was spent throwing unruly comments back and forth, their banter never ceasing. 

Aelin smiled at the memory, her thoughts finally wandering back to her class. Chemistry. Yuck. How she would survive through the next hour, Aelin had no clue. But lunch was next, and that meant stealing more food from her darling Rowan. 

Oh how she craved to eat a slice of cake with fluffy mouse and sprinkles. Maybe some ice cream. 

Her stomach growled. This would be a long class indeed. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Aelin quickly marched out of the front doors of Terrasen High School, eager to be home and snuggled up in her bed for the remainder of her Friday night. 

She set a brisk pace down the sidewalk. Cars whooshed past, well over the speed limit to fulfill their own agendas. Probably the football game tonight. Which Aelin was NOT going to. But, yet again, the universe loved proving her wrong. And so did a silver-haired man.

She was about halfway home when Rowan’s car pulled up next to her. 

“Hop in.” Rowan opened her door from the driver's seat and Aelin jogged over to her side of the car. Quickly slipping in, Aelin breathed in the cool air conditioning and scent of pine and snow in the car. 

“Before you start asking questions Aelin,” Rowan rose a groomed brow at her gasp, “I have one of my own. And please think about it before you immediately say no.”

His car reached her street and slowly meandered its way down. 

“Well, you might as well ask now while we still have daylight.” Aelin folded her arms across her chest and faced him once more. She had a wonderful side view of his sculpted face and toned muscles. His jawline was as sharp as a knife, everything else tense and...no less attractive. She could stare at him for hours and just admire the sight. 

Rowan huffed a breath and finally spoke.

“Would you come to the game tonight with me? Just you and me, no one else and we can leave whenever you want and I'll pay for entrance tickets and buy dinner and be a good puppy. Just please come?”

Oh Rowan. At least he made the offer appealing. 

“Rowan, I-I’d love to but I don’t do well with cramped crowds and I just don’t like football. Thank you for the offer though. Next time maybe?” Aelin truly felt awful, and she truly wanted to spend the night hanging out tonight with him, but...HE was on the football team. And she’d been avoiding him for months. Taking the hallways she knew he didn’t walk down. Walking the sidewalk he didn’t drive by. Taking all the classes she knew he wouldn’t take. 

“Please, A? I will do anything just to spend an hour at the game with you. We can even hide in the parking lot and listen to the commentators from my car. Please?” Rowan displayed his best pouty face. One he had been practicing. 

Aelin considered it again. They would be well away from him. Wouldn’t have any chance of seeing him. And she did want to feel the excitement of a game. She couldn’t resist the temptation. 

“Okay, fine. Only an hour though you Buzzard. And we get ice cream afterwards. Pinky promise.” Aelin stuck her pinky out, something she and Fenrys had been doing since they could walk. An unbreakable agreement. 

Rowan snorted at the childish promise but relented, holding her pinky with his own in a hard grip. 

“I promise you weirdo.” 

“Hey! I’m not a weirdo!” Aelin stuck her tongue out, her favorite thing to do apparently, and scrambled out of the car before Rowan could tickle her for the naughty behavior. 

“I’ll see you at 6!” she yelled back at him. 

“I’ll see you,” Rowan whispered to himself. He watched his fiery girl trip on her steps and crash into the door, barking a “shit” loud enough for the entire neighborhood to hear. He roared a laugh, making sure Aelin heard him before she slammed her front door in her flustered state. 

Gods she was hilarious and clumsy. And he was most definitely in L***. Not that he’d ever tell her that. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Aelin had an hour before Rowan came to pick her up for the game. Why in the world was she going? She had no gods-damned idea. Her intentions of sleeping forever were quickly forgotten when he practically begged her to come. How could she say no to his beautiful face? 

Aelin slipped into her jeans and sneakers. Now the hard part. What sweatshirt she would wear. Her favorite, Fenrys’, was absolutely disgusting from wearing it two weeks straight, and she didn't want to wear her school one. That put her Disney World and golfing sweatshirts in the spotlight. 

Deciding against the innocent, princess look, Aelin shoved her arms through the black, golfing sweatshirt and went to the kitchen for some well deserved snacks. Being perfect took time and energy. 

Aedion was at the table, eating a bowl of cereal and a peeled apple. Healthy boy. He was engrossed with something on his phone, so when Aelin poked his shoulder, Aedion leaped ten feet in the air.   
“Dude, chill. I just wanted you to know Rowan is taking me to the football game tonight. Is that cool?” Aelin sat down across from him, shoving a slice of banana in her mouth. 

“Yeah, that’s great. I’m glad you’re getting out.” Aelin rolled her eyes. 

“Stop babying me you mother hen. I just don't like people. I find my bed a much more worthy companion.”

“Mhm. Keep telling yourself that sweetie. I saw you with Rowan in our driveway. Fen and I made bets on who would kiss who first. Fenrys, of course won. Bastard for knowing you too well.” 

Aelin hissed. They were both assholes for spying on her. Aedion had seen her with Rowan. As did Fenrys. Shit. 

“Don’t spy on me creep. I’m allowed some privacy with my FRIENDS.” Her and Rowan were not dating. Not even close. He definitely didn't like her like that. She was awkward and clumsy and slept most of the day. 

“Yeah sure. I don’t believe that bullshit for one second.” Aedion shoved a mouthful of cereal in his mouth and chewed as loud as physically possible to block out the string of curses Aelin threw at him. 

Aelin really didn’t like waiting, so in her spare time, she did the only thing she was good at. Eating.

Before the doorbell rang, almost forty minutes later, Aelin had consumed two bowls of chicken noodle soup, three bananas, and half a gallon of ice cream. She was absolutely stuffed but she could sacrifice more stomach space for free food. The struggles of life. 

Vanishing the thought of eating more, Aelin answered the door and took Rowan in. He had decided on casualty tonight as well. He wore a pair of shorts, despite the chilling temperatures, and a large sweatshirt. The sleeves covered his hands and made him look younger. Softer. Almost childish. And utterly adorable. Jeez. Fuck him. Fuck her. Fuck the world. 

Rowan grinned as if reading her thoughts, and grabbed her hand. 

“Be back maybe Aedion! Have a wonderful night ALONE!” Aelin waddled away, praying her cousin wouldn’t come flying through the door to beat the shit out of her. 

Rowan chuckled and opened her car door, ever the gentleman. 

The ride to the football stadium, although short lived, was filled with banter and an endless stream of laughter. Aelin couldn't stop staring at Rowan. She was transfixed by his smile. His bright eyes. 

As they arrived, parking in the back where the lot was empty, the sun reached the ground and lit the world on fire. The sky swirled with oranges and light blues, pinks and a light purple. It was dreamy and perfect, and something Aelin hadn’t seen in ages. 

Rowan gave Aelin a leg up onto the roof of his car, then climbed up next to her. From where they were, they could hear the announcer and the screaming crowds. Aelin was glad to be out and was even more thankful Rowan agreed to sit in the empty parking lot with her. She still wasn’t good with loud sounds and crowded areas. With Rowan next to her though, her fears washed away into nothing. 

Rowan sat close enough that Aelin’s thigh touched his. Their hands were mere centimeters apart. Aelin swung her feet back and forth over the side of the car and Rowan copied her motions, humming a soft melody from the radio. 

Aelin wanted to talk to him, but there wasn’t a single thing she didn’t know already. In the hours they’d spent together over the past weeks, everything and anything was discussed. Except love. They didn’t broach the topic once, and now that Aelin thought more about it, the more curious she became about Rowan’s love life. 

“Hey Rowan?” Aelin looked towards him and found his gaze already settled on her. Cheeky bastard.

“Yes Aelin?”

“I was wondering.” She paused, reining in her thought to ask the appropriate question. “Have you ever been in love?” The words were out before she could stop them, and now Aelin would suffer the embarrassment sure to come. She just couldn’t keep her damned mouth shut. 

Rowan visibly choked, his eyes widening in shock. Well she surely surprised him. 

“L-Love?” Gods she was an idiot. 

“Never mind. You don’t have to answer I’m just being an idiot and please ignore me for the rest of your life while I wallow in misery and pity and-”

“Aelin. Calm down. It’s not a big deal.”

Conversation over it seemed. 

Silence enclosed them in its hold, enveloping them in a chilling truth. 

But Rowan, apparently, was perfectly capable of surprising Aelin too.

“I was in love once. Years ago, now. Her name was Lyria.” The way he whispered her name, with reverence and gentleness, made Aelin’s heart shatter. 

“She was my forever. I would never have another chance to love that deeply. I couldn't love that deeply. She’s gone now, though. In a better place.” Rowan’s head hung, his shoulders slumped, and his fingers clenched. 

Aelin felt his pain. She understood more than he knew. 

Aelin, deciding it was her turn to comfort and protect him, she slid her fingers over Rowan’s clenched fist and opened it to the sky. She traced his palm with her fingers then entwined their hands together. Raising and kissing his knuckle, Aelin turned to face him again. 

“I lost someone too. I loved him very, very much. Sam. His name was Sam. He...he was my world. I didn’t get to tell him that though. He never knew I loved him.”

“He knows Aelin. He knows.” Rowan squeezed her hand in reassurance. 

“How did Lyria die?” 

“It was a plane crash. She was on her way to Adarlan. Visiting her aunt. I was planning on traveling with her, but I got sick a couple days before we left and wasn’t able to fly. She died alone.” 

Oh Rowan. 

“She wasn’t alone. She had you right here.” Aelin’s hand rose to rest above his heart. “And you still have her right here. You always will.”

Rowan’s hand covered Aelin’s, resting where it hurt. Where it would always hurt. 

Their eyes met and a fire sparked to life in Rowan’s eyes. 

His calloused fingers brushed a wisp of hair from her cheek, igniting tingles across her skin. 

“You’re gorgeous.” Rowan said, cupping her cheek. 

The words made it hard to breathe, hard to think. Rowan thought she was...pretty. No. Not pretty. Gorgeous. Her mind emptied of all reason. She had no response. No retort. No smarmy smiles. She had no idea what to do with her limbs. 

“I-um...you too?” Dumbass, dumbass, dumbass! Aelin’s grave grew deeper the more she talked. 

“Thank you?” Oh gods. 

Aelin just ignored herself, like she should have before. 

Slowly, the sunset changed into a cooling twilight. Lights flickered on and the game reached its final plays. Throughout the entire last quarter, Aelin’s stomach growled, begging for food. Even though she’d stuffed herself earlier, the endless pit resting in her stomach complained and whined mercilessly . 

“Rowan? Can we please, please, please get some food?” 

“Ugh! Are you ever not hungry? That’s all I hear. Food and more food.” 

“Hey! We didn’t talk about food earlier. I took part of grown up talk!” Aelin harrumphed and puffed her chest out. Very mature. 

“Fine, fine.” 

Right before she could jump to the ground, Rowan’s hands flew around her torso and tickled her sides. After the...incident, Aelin hated the idea of anyone touching her, and if they did, usually that hand was severed from the original owner. Even now, Aelin’s body tensed as those hands grappled with her sides, but her worry washed away into nothing when she was reminded of WHO’S hands were tickling her. Rowan’s. And she had no qualms, whatsoever, of his hands all over her. She quite enjoyed it, if she was speaking frank. 

A bubbling laugh rose from Aelin’s mouth. She wiggled in Rowan’s grasp, doing everything she could to escape his hold..

“No!” She breathed through her laughter. “Rowan! I can’t take it.” Aelin could barely breathe and she loved it. Rowan’s laughter rose with her own. This, teasing, was relieving and reminded her of the days before that fateful night. 

“Okay, okay! I’m done but no retaliation. Swear it.” Rowan stuck out his pinky, clearly not forgetting from earlier. 

Aelin’s shaky finger squeezed Rowan’s as tight as possible, trying to relay her message. 

“I swear it. Just let me breathe!”

Rowan kept her right where she was, draped across his lap, but ceased his tickling. Rowan looked at her: red eyes with unescaped tears, a huge shit-eating grin, and bright eyes. He wanted to kiss her. The thought shocked him, but it rang true. Rowan wanted to kiss Aelin. 

But being the respectable gentleman he was, Rowan didn’t kiss Aelin. No. Never without her permission and comfort. So, instead of fulfilling his own wishes, he did the next best, and most reckless thing. 

“Will you go out with me?”

Aelin’s hands flew faster than lightning. Rowan braced himself for impact. The sting of the well-deserved slap never came, though. No. Instead, Aelin was covering her face behind her hands. 

“Aelin?” 

A giggle sounded from behind the pair of hands, and Rowan grabbed her wrists away so he could look at her. She was smiling like the Cheshire Cat. 

“Hmm. Maybe. Let me think about it.” Aelin threw a wink in his direction for emphasis. 

“A! Don’t torture me so. Just say no. I can’t take this insensible waiting.” 

“No.” Aelin’s face was dead set. No emotion scrawled across her features. 

Rowan’s spirit fell. He wasn’t surprised, but it didn’t hurt any less. 

But Aelin’s reaction was the opposite of his. She was slapping her knee, cracking the hell up. Was there some joke he’d missed?

“Oh my gosh! You are an idiot! Of course I’ll go out with you. You should've seen your face. Priceless!”

Rowan’s disappointment faded and was replaced by pure joy and a side of mischief. Oh, she was going to pay for that. 

“My Princess,” Rowan glared, which shut Aelin up real quick, “you are going to pay for that little trick.” 

Aelin’s toes curled at his tone, a purr lacing his threat. 

“And how, my Prince, shall I pay?”

“You shall see.”


	9. Chapter 9

A set of muscled arms encased Aelin in a calming warmth. She knew whose arms those were. Would know them anywhere. But. Shit. Why was Rowan in her bed? She shuffled through her memories of after the game, but nothing was unusual. They drove home, Aelin invited Rowan in for a movie, they snuggled, ate ice cream and...Aelin fell asleep on Rowan’s shoulder. He obviously had no intention of waking her so he’d just fallen asleep. In her bed. With her in it! Oh, Rowan. 

Aelin ran her fingers over his scarred knuckles, the morning sun casting the room in a gray hue from her curtains. As much as she wanted to keep staring at his hand, she also desperately wanted to take advantage of the opportunity and watch his face. Or, admire it really. 

Turning as slowly as possible, Aelin wiggled her way to facing Rowan. Luckily, he was still asleep. His silvery hair was bed rustled and his features were softened. He looked rather handsome. But he always did. 

Aelin reached a hand up and ran it gently through his hair. It was silky and soft and Aelin never wanted to do anything else but touch his hair. Her fingers played with a few strands before gliding down to cup his cheek. 

Her stomach growled. Loudly. Fine. 

She looked at Rowan’s face once more before she squirmed out of his grip and crawled out of the room on her hands and knees. Her floorboards were loud. 

Aedion was at the kitchen table and well, shit. This would be hard to explain. 

“Morning fatass,” Aelin greeted as she entered. 

“Morning.” Aedon motioned for her to sit and she did, praying that this conversation would end well. 

“Umm. Aedion. I-I...well. Umm.” She looked at him and blushed furiously.

“Just spit it out Aelin.”

“Rowan’s in my room but I swear I didn’t sleep with him. Well that’s a lie, we slept in the same bed but we didn’t do ANYTHING I swear I’m not-”

“Aelin, chill and slow down. I know you’re not that kind of person, but why, might I ask, is he in your bed?” Aedion rose a brow. 

“We were watching a movie and I must’ve fallen asleep and I think he didn’t want to wake me so don’t do anything to him. He didn’t harm your “precious cousin” in any way.” 

“Okay. Then there isn’t a problem. It was just two friends having bonding time.” Aedion very clearly emphasized “friends”. Rowan and Aelin were friends, but they were also more since last night. Dating. Jeez. How did she ever agree to that?

“Aedion. We’re more than friends now.” Aelin whispered. 

Aelin’s cousin’s head whipped back to her faster than light. 

“What?” Aedion was breathing heavily now. Damn. 

“We’re dating now. He asked me out last night, and because I’m a sensible woman and I like him, I said yes. Simple as that.”

“You’re a hellion, Aelin.” Aedion made to stand and kill sleeping Rowan, but Aelin quickly grabbed his arm and pulled him back down.-

“You said you wouldn’t commit a murder this early in the morning Aedion.”

“I promised no such things.” He harumphed. 

Why did she tell Aedion this early in the morning? She had no rutting clue. 

A voice sounded from behind her. Rowan.

“Why is Aedion committing murder before 10 o’clock?” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rowan had awoken in a strange bed. Alone and cold. It took him seconds to take in the room and recognize the girl in the pictures. Aelin. But why was he in her bed?

He recounted last night. Watching a movie. Eating ice cream. Falling asleep…

Thank the gods it was the weekend. 

Sitting up, Rowan pulled on his shirt and wandered from the room and into the hall. He heard two voices from the kitchen. Talking about him. And murder. 

It was way too early for this. 

Deciding to alert Aelin of his arrival, he grumbled out, “Why is Aedion committing murder before 10 o’clock?” 

Aelin’s head whipped to his direction and took him in. He watched as her eyes traveled up and down his body. He was a mess, his clothes crumpled and hair unbrushed. 

“Hello, handsome,” Aelin grinned, “I didn’t think you’d be up yet and Aedion and I were happily talking of our plans that DON’T include murder.” 

Aedion just stared blankly at him, quite rage simmering behind his eyes. This would be a fun morning. 

“I’m all down for not murdering anyone before noon. Glad we all agree.” Rowan chuckled and wandered over to the chair next to Aelin. 

“What would you like to eat?” Aelin asked, standing and walking to the pantry. 

“What do you have”

“Bread, jelly, Doritos, and a jar of pickles.” Aelin solemnly nodded. 

“Shameful A. Just shameful.” Rowan playfully scorned her. 

Aedion piped up before the teasing could continue, “We have eggs.”

Yuck. Rowan did not trust Aelin’s cooking. 

“As much as I believe Aelin would not purposefully poison me,” Rowan said, shooting a pointed glare in her direction, “I do not in any way trust her cooking. No offense intended.”

Aelin just flipped him off from across the kitchen. 

“Before you did that missy, I was going to offer you a ride to get pancakes from the bakery down the street.” Rowan waited for her reaction. It was, of course, priceless. 

Aelin’s eyes widened and the words were out faster than he could imagine.   
“I swear I’ll be good Ro. Please, please, pleaseeeeeee forgive me?” 

It looked as if Aelin was preparing to get on her knees before Rowan laughed and nodded. 

“I like watching you beg me. And, of course, I’ll forgive your pretty ass.” He threw a wink at her and she turned as red as a strawberry. 

Aedion just threw a pointed cough in Rowan’s direction, begging to keep the talk G-rated. 

A shrug and a grin was the only response. 

“Go and get dressed before I leave without you.” 

Aelin ran to her room as fast as possible and the sound of her slamming into her door could be heard from Rowan’s seat at the table. 

But, before he could laugh, Aedion caught his eye and motioned him to the room down the opposite hall. Rowan followed and Aedion closed the door. 

“First, some ground rules for dating my cousin.” Aedion began. “No more sleeping over. Yes, she’s old enough to decide those things for herself, but I refuse to watch her get hurt again. Second, keep the romantic talk down while I’m around. I don’t want to be around two horny teenagers. And lastly. She might not seem fragile now, but if I ever see her breaking again, ever, you and I will have serious issues.”

Rowan just nodded, agreeing with all except the “sleeping over”. She was his girlfriend. And they were seniors. But Rowan wasn’t bold enough to argue now. And he never specifically said she couldn’t stay with him. Definitely some loopholes to explore later. 

“Good. Now enjoy your breakfast. I want her back by noon. And that’s final.” 

Aedion walked out, knowing she wouldn’t actually be home then. 

Rowan took a second to compose himself before he walked out of the room. Aelin was just walking out of her own and she grinned at him as they made eye contact. Gods she was stunning. 

He held out his hand and she eagerly gripped it. 

Rowan looked back once at Aedion and gave him the smallest of smiles. She was in good hands. 

Rowan was walking out the door before Aedion smiled softly to himself.


	10. Chapter 10

A hand gripped her throat, choking off all the air. The room was spinning and spinning and spinning. The floors were a bottomless dark and the only discernible thing was the man in front of her. 

All Aelin knew was fear. She was panting through her clenched teeth clawing at the muscled form before her. The man wouldn't stop touching her though. His thick fingers traced her chest and sides, his hips grinding against her own. 

She kept trying to scream out but one of his hands was covering her mouth. A thought entered her muddled mind and she bit one of the fingers gripping her tongue. 

“Fuck!” the man yelled. Aelin tasted blood and treasured her triumph. Her confidence instantly disappeared when a fist flew through her peripheral vision and slammed into the side of her head. 

Pain splintered through her consciousness and a cry escaped her. 

“Shut the fuck up bitch!” 

Aelin crumpled to the floor, her body a heap of limbs on the carpeted ground. The man gripped her hair and pulled her up. Aelin couldn’t escape the pain. Her body ached and she just wanted to hide inside of herself. 

He took advantage of Aelin’s weak moment and pulled her shirt up and groped her breasts. Aelin began shaking from pure terror. She knew where this night would end if she couldn’t find a way to escape. 

“St-stop!” Aelin yelled. The man laughed and punched her stomach. The air left her and she gasped. The world just kept spinning. “Stop!” she tried again.

His response was to grab her skirt and yanked it down her legs. Aelin cried. She couldn't find her strength. Whatever drug she had been given was working. There was no escape. She tried to swing her arms but all she felt was empty air. Her body collapsed again.

While the world crumbled all Aelin saw was a grinning face spinning and spinning and spinning in her vision. 

A cry erupted from her and a leg swung and-

Aelin shot up in bed. Panting and covered in sweat. Her body was shaking and her breaths came in fast pants. Clips of her dream flashed through her mind and she hurtled from her room to the bathroom. 

Her body heaved over and over again. Her hands held tightly to the toilet sides. Her body was still shaking violently. She couldn't breathe. Couldn't breathe. 

Stop. Aelin’s own voice echoed in her head and her very existence paused. Breathe, she commanded herself. 

She became aware of her surroundings and recognized where she was. She stared at her blue shower curtain. The white rug. The beach art hung above the toilet. Aelin flushed her vomit down and rested her pounding head against the tub lip.

She could still feel her heart pounding and the slick sweat covering every inch of her. Aelin was just thankful Aedion had gone upstate to visit Fenrys. 

Aelin, now calmed to an appropriate extent, stood on quivering legs and padded back to her bed. She curled herself in a blanket and shut her eyes. A pair of pine green eyes stared back at her. 

A sob escaped her and Aelin didnt keep it in. Tears streamed down her cheeks. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rowan sat at the back of class waiting for Aelin. They had occupied the two seats by the window for weeks now, side by side most mornings. Secretly passing notes and holding hands. He watched her throughout the entire class, noting her tells and bookmarking her delicate features. 

The bell rang and Aelin still had not yet entered the room. Strange for her. She’d only been late once this semester. He decided to wait. She’s fine, he told himself. 

She didn’t show up. He began worrying. 

After class, he rushed from the classroom to find Dorian or Lysandra. Maybe they’d know why she was absent. 

“Lysandra!” Rowan called. The woman turned and smiled at him. When Aelin had told her of their relationship, Lys had jumped and squealed and cheered in the middle of the hall. Everyone had stared at the scene but her wildness didn't care one bit. 

“Hey Rowan! What’s up?” She said, searching the hall behind him for Aelin. When Lys didn't see her she cocked her head at him. “Where’s A?”

“That’s what I was coming to you to ask. She wasn’t in class today.”

“Oh,” Lys croaked. A worried look covered her face. “That’s weird Rowan.”

He nodded. “Will Dorian know?” 

“No. He”s out of town till the end of the week.” Lys ran a hand through her hair. “Shit balls!”

“I’m going to shoot her a text.” Rowan pulled out his phone and clicked on her contact, ‘Pancake child’ and sent his text. “Now we wait, I guess,” Rowan frowned. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Aelin’s phone panged from where it sat on her table. She sat up and reached for it. A text from Rowan. Her heart ached, and as much as she wanted to open it, he wouldn’t understand. No one would. She was alone in her messy life. 

She set her phone back down and continued staring out her window. The sun had risen and the world was bright. Hatred flowed through her. How could the world be so beautiful? 

Her phone rang again before she made an irrational decision like set the yard on fire. 

Another text from Rowan. And a text from Lys. There was no harm in looking at the messages she thought. 

Clicking on Rowan’s contact, ‘Buzzard Bae’, Aelin read the two messages.

“Where is my seat buddy? Class was unbearable ;( I have cake to bribe you”

Aelin chuckled at her screen. Of course. 

“I lied about the cake. I’m sorry x”

Aelin grinned. Her bird boy. So cheesy and sweet.

Aelin clicked on Lysandra’s contact, ‘Wifey Material’.

“Why aren’t you at school girly. Hurry up. Rowan’s crying in the hall and making a scene”

Her heart fluttered with joy. Somehow these two idiots made everything seem okay.   
She texted both of them back against her better judgement. She hated making excuses but they couldn’t know. They just couldn’t. 

She replied to Rowan first. He seemed the most concerned. 

“Sorry for ditching. I woke up sick and didn’t feel like braving the day on an upset stomach.”

Her text wasn’t a lie. Not really. But it wasn’t completely true. 

“Lys i’m not feeling well today so you have to take care of my Buzzard. He is super sensitive. Don’t let him cry. Too much at least.”

Exhaustion pulled at her senses. Feeling whatever this was took too much out of her. Took too much effort. 

One more text came through from Rowan. It eased her worry, 

“I am NOT crying!!”

Aelin placed her phone back on the table and closed her eyes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Her phone began ringing at 5 pm. The noise sang through her room loudly. Aelin begrudgingly sat up in bed. The last thing she wanted to be was awake.

Her phone kept blaring it’s annoying song though, so despite her wishes, Aelin leaned over and grabbed it. 

The call was from Rowan. That boy. 

She swiped the answer button and put the phone to her ear. 

“Hello?” Aelin groaned. 

A voice in the background was whispering nonsense. 

“Helllllo?” Aelin repeated. She was going to fillet whoever was interrupting her sleep. 

“Aelin? Oh my gods you answered!!” 

He was annoyingly cute. 

“Hi Rowan. Did you need something?” 

“Oh no. I did not. Wait. Shit! Did I call you while you were sleeping?” his voice sounded nervous. Good. He knew the threat she posed. 

“Yes you did.” she snapped. “Now what was it you needed so that I can go back to bed.” 

“Well. You see. I’m at the front door.” 

Holy fuck. She really was going to kill someone. As much as she adored her boyfriend, she was trying to get some goddamn sleep. And she looked like complete shit. 

Her pause must have worried him more because he coughed loudly.

“Fine fine. I’m coming!” 

Aelin had no idea what made her let him in. She was crazy!

Aelin threw on a pair of socks and stomped loudly down the hall. She marched to the front door, unlocked it, and flung it wide open to reveal Rowan. 

Well, Rowan and a box. 

“Hi,” he whispered. He stared at her face with soft eyes. He was wearing a large sweatshirt and baggy sweatpants. A beanie covered most of his silver hair. Her heart couldn’t take it.

“Hi,” she whispered back with a wave. But when her arm raised so did her shirt. And her shirt had been covering her legs. Legs that weren’t covered in anything. 

Gods. Aelin forgot she took off her shorts to nap in her underwear. Rowan was seeing her in her underwear. And only weeks into their relationship!! 

Aelin watched as Rowan’s eyes widened and his cheeks flushed with red. Aelin’s own cheeks were red with embarrassment. 

“Ah! I forgot. I’m sorry.” She quickly moved to hide her underwear decorated with dancing strawberries and clouds. 

Rowan, cheeks still aflame, just laughed and said, “No worries. I like them.” 

What?! 

“Wait! Not like that! Shit. I don't like them. No, wait, I do but not like THAT so AHHHHHHH!” Rowan just burrowed his face in his free hand and shook his head.

“I’m really not making this situation any better.” He grumbled. 

Aelin just stood there laughing her ass off. 

“You’re fine!” Aelin replied as she reached out to pull his hand away. Their eyes met and they both smiled. 

“Come on in.” Aelin grabbed his hand and tugged him through the front door. 

Rowan made his way to the living room with his box and Aelin ran to her room to pull on a pair of dirty sweatpants. 

She was walking down the hallway when her eyes caught on Rowan. 

He was sitting in front of the fireplace, a picture in his hand. 

She crept around the couch and plopped down next to him. 

“That’s me and Aedion on my birthday years ago. I think I was turning eight. Maybe nine.” Aelin said looking at the two blonde children in the photo. 

“You look as stunning as ever,” was all Rowan said. 

Aelin’s head dropped to his shoulder. Despite her nightmares, Rowan somehow made her feel complete. Like the piece ripped from her was finally returned. 

“Come on,” he said as he grabbed her hands and shuffled to the coffee table where his box was sitting. 

Aelin’s curiosity was peaked. 

“What’s in the box Ro?”

“You have to open it to find out.” 

Aelin scowled at him but reached for the box and began unwrapping it. 

She was opening the lid when the smell reached her nose. Chocolate. Aelin hurried through process as the top flipped over and she gazed at a cake. A beautiful, chocolate hazelnut cake. 

A tear slipped down her cheek. She turned to Rowan and threw her arms around his neck. She buried her face in the crook of his neck and breathed him in. 

“I’m glad you like it Fireheart.” 

“Thank you Buzzard.”


	11. Chapter 11

Date night. The thought had never occurred to her. But when her phone buzzed, signaling a notification, Aelin had glanced at the message Rowan sent and grinned. Why hadn’t they done this before?

Two months of dating Rowan had been like a dream. Yes, they argued and bickered, much to Aelin’s contentment, but the two had never fought. There was nothing to fight about.

Rowan was patient and attentive. He never pushed her boundaries and was calm in every situation. Aelin, on the other hand, was hot-headed and clumsy. She never held back her thoughts and established her dominance early on.

Now, hours after Rowan’s text, Aelin sat on the floor in the entryway, her eyes glued to the front door.

The kitchen counters were sparkling behind her and the living room couch was clean. Aelin had no idea what the date night plan was, so she’d cleaned everything. Everything. It was disgusting.

The clock kept ticking, and the minutes passed slowly. Waiting for Rowan had not been her plan.

Hunger dragged her from her vigilant watch, and soon, Aelin was digging through her pantry. But just as she found an apple to munch on, the doorbell rang.

The doorbell rang.

Aelin zoomed out of the kitchen on sock-covered feet, her legs moving faster than she expected. Just as she rounded the corner, her feet slid from underneath her and she went careening into the front door. She landed soundly on her ass.

“Fucking hell!” Aelin yelled from the ground. A laugh sounded on the other side of the door.

“Fuck you, Rowan!” Aelin said as she stood.

“Time and place, darling?”

Aelin just chuckled as she unlocked the door. Rowan stood there, looking like a god. How did she score such a man?

“Hi, beautiful,” Rowan spoke into her hair as his arms wrapped around her torso.

“Hi, buzzard.”

Aelin pulled away and gripped his hand, leading him into the kitchen.

“Why am I not surprised the first thing we do is eat?” Rowan gave her a pointed look.  
Aelin just raised her hands in surrender.

She pulled out a box of macaroni and started to boil a pot of water. Rowan sat at the counter and watched his girlfriend. He knew her food was not to be trusted, but how badly could boxed macaroni go?

Aelin came around the counter and sat next to him. They began to talk about school and all the homework they had. They were both drowning in papers.

The boiling noodles had just finished and Aelin stood to drain them. She added milk, butter, and a packet of cheese.

She spooned a serving of the pasta into two bowls and handed one to Rowan. He suspiciously eyed the steaming noodles, questioning if he’d rather face her fury or eat the damned food. Rowan chose life and took a bite.

And barely held in his grimace. Good gods, where did the recipe go wrong. Rowan tried and failed to raise another spoonful to his mouth.

“Aelin, I'm sorry but I cannot eat whatever this shit is.”

“What! It tastes amazing.” Aelin raised a bite to her mouth and sniffed. “See, smells good.”

“Have you taken a bite?” Rowan shot back with a glare. This woman.

“Uh, not yet.” She, too, eyed her concoction, knowing her skills in the kitchen were limited to scooping ice cream.

“Well, are you going to trust me or stubbornly kill yourself from macaroni?” Aelin’s eyes flared and she shoved the bite into her mouth. No surprise.

The next couple of seconds were filled with Aelin spitting out noodles in the kitchen sink, cursing, and coughing. Rowan chuckled at the ridiculousness. Rowan hopped off the counter and wrapped his arms around Aelin. His head rested on her shoulder and his silver hair tickled her neck.

Aelin sighed and rested her back against Rowan’s broad chest, her breaths rising and falling with his.

The clock ticked as they stood in silence, resting in the others embrace.  
“So I guess it’s another pizza night?” Rowan whispered into the crook of Aelin’s neck.

“Or we could just eat cookies?” Aelin turned her head and stuck her bottom lip out.

“Pouting isn’t going to help you much there.” Rowan flicked her nose and adored the small scrunch.

Aelin pinched his side and scrambled from his embrace, giggling. She darted around the counter and grabbed the box of cookies, pressing them desperately to her chest. “If you can catch me, Buzzard, we can order pizza.”

“Oh, it's on Fireheart.” And Rowan lunged for her. Aelin squealed and dodged his attack, running into the living room.

The chasing continued for longer than Rowan expected, Aelin having the advantage of knowing the floor layout. But eventually, Aelin took a wrong turn and ran right into Rowan’s arms. She screeched as he picked her up and spun them around in the living room.

Her smile was breathtaking and she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. His heart pounded as he plopped them down on the couch, Aelin clutching her cookies on his lap. They continued to gaze at each other, Rowan’s hands making great, sweeping strokes along her back, Aelin’s own hands scrunching his shirt.

“I guess cookies are a good meal on the weekend occasionally.” Rowan pried the box from her hands and opened it. Pulling out two brightly colored sugar cookies, he handed one to the enchanting figure in his lap and shoved the other one into his mouth.

Aelin nibbled from her cookie and started playing with his hair. Her fingers ran through the messy strands, brushing them out. A purr rumbled from the back of Rowan’s throat and his cheeks flared with heat. He watched as Aelin’s eyes widened in wonder, and continued to stroke his hair.

Rowan just stared at her face, his body in flames at her actions. He had purred. Purred! What the actual fuck. His body slowly started reacting to her motions. Gods she needed to stop before he started kissing her senseless. Somehow, Aelin was clueless of just how turned on he was, and just giggled at him.

“Okay,” Rowan grunted shifting uncomfortably trying to hide his arousal, “movie time.”

“Okie Dokie.” Aelin climbed out of his lap and grabbed the remote, flipping through the channels until she found Netflix. “What are we in the mood to watch tonight?”

Rowan shrugged, missing her warmth. “It’s your turn to pick.”  
“Alright,” Aelin continued, scrolling through the genres. “Ooo! Romance.” She wiggled her eyebrows at him grinning.

She clicked through the titles until she found one that suited her standards. “Enjoy the show, Buzzard.” Aelin dimmed the lights to a faint glow and sat down next to him, close enough to sense her but not close enough to touch.

Gods be damned this woman.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An hour into the movie, Aelin was snoring and completely draped over him. Rowan remained still, fearing that the slightest movement would awaken her.

He had been trying to focus on the show when Aelin’s head rested on his shoulder and his entire being focused on that point of contact. Minutes later she was completely out. And now, her head was resting in his lap, her legs spread out behind her.

Rowan’s hands were playing with her hair, stroking the delicate frame of her face with his thumb. All he wanted was to lie down and hold her.

His own eyes started to shut unconsciously, and the last thing Rowan remembered was the feeling of Aelin’s soft skin holding his hand to her heart.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Aedion walked into the house after his long shift, his bones aching from the work. Rowan’s car was still parked in his driveway so he expected the two lovebirds to be watching some movie, digging into ice cream.

But instead, he trudged into the living room and his heart stopped. Rowan and Aelin were fast asleep on the couch, the television playing the end credits. Aelin’s back was pressed into Rowan’s chest. Their legs were entwined and spread the length of the sofa, Rowan’s hanging off the end. His arms were banded around her middle. His breath fanning out around her neck. They were completely comfortable with each other.

Aedion knew how vulnerable this made his cousin feel, and knew she only let one other person hold her this way. Fenrys.

Aedion’s heart ached at the sight. Aelin deserved every bit of love Rowan gave her, but that didn’t mean Aedion wasn’t jealous of the affection. His own heart belonged to a certain best friend of Aelin’s, although neither Lysandra nor Aelin knew.

They’d never betray Aelin’s trust, and even though they rarely spoke of the attraction between them, the agreement was to wait until Lys graduated. So Aedion was forced to wait and watch.

But looking at Rowan and Aelin, hope sparked inside of him. He’d have that one day. He would. For now, though, he’d make sure Aelin and Rowan got married. Aedion chuckled at the thought. He’d never seen Aelin this way with anyone and it scared him. But it also warmed him knowing she had found her person.

Banishing his thoughts, Aedion grabbed a blanket and covered them.

He walked away. Looking back once to see Aelin’s face glow with joy. Yeah. She deserved this.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for my updates being so sporadic  
i’ve been super unenthusiastic since quarantine started

Two weeks of emptiness had begun to sink in. What the hell had she been thinking. She was in love. So deeply in love with him. Yet, the past still choked her and stopped her from being...her. Gods she wanted to kiss him so bad. His soft, bright lips had been drawing her eye. His tousled hair begging to be stroked. But when the time came, she couldn’t do it. Because the scars were too deep to cross. The rivers and oceans of pain to cross had yet to be breached. And who would want her. Her with all that baggage. No one.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rowan hadn’t seen Aelin in two weeks and he couldn’t fucking handle it any longer. She had skipped several school days and had blatantly ignored him whenever possible. She seemed to be deep inside of herself, fighting something. The glow he had brought back into her face and form had vanished the moment he crossed the line. 

It was an accident. He had in no way meant to wound her. But he had. He had hurt her. And Rowan couldn’t live with himself knowing that. 

Every effort to speak to her, every free moment he had to step towards her thinning frame, had gone unanswered. She hated him. He had messed up so badly that nothing could ever fix the rift between them. 

Rowan had spent every waking moment reliving the night. The night that tore them apart. 

It had been like every other night. She was stuffing herself on the couch, he was flipping through channels, and Aedion was out drinking with Fenrys. This particular night, however, Rowan couldn’t keep his eyes off of her. She was so deliciously beautiful. He wanted to kiss her. Badly. But he needed her permission. 

Rowan was nervous as hell. Aelin was...new. He had never felt as strongly about someone before her. 

So, he had tamed his wild heart and paused the television, turning towards her. She was still staring blankly at the screen, inhaling the macaroni Rowan had made for her. Finding his courage, Rowan had grabbed the bowl from Aelin’s grip and set it on the table. Then, turning her body so it was facing his, Rowan stared at her. He sat, and just stared at her. Aelin sat, confused for a moment, before bumping her forehead into his chest. She sniggered at his thumping heartbeat and sat straight again. 

Rowan had leaned forward and pressed his forehead gently to hers. She stilled a moment before relaxing into his touch. Rowan’s hands began caressing her cheeks and brushing through her wild hair. When he pulled away, Aelin’s eyes were shut tightly, a small crinkle gracing her forehead. Rowan’s thumb had smoothed the edge before he pressed a light kiss to the area.

She had exhaled shakily before opening her eyes. Rowan’s lips continued to trace her face. Her rosy cheeks. Her pert nose. Along her jawline. Aelin was a mess by the time he fully pulled away. She seemed fine though. Braving himself once more, Rowan pressed his lips to the corner of her mouth. 

Then, Rowan saw the tear falling down her cheek. The next moment, Aelin was violently sobbing into her hands. Rowan’s heart had stopped. What had he done. 

He had tried to pull her into his arms, but she had pushed him away. He instantly moved to the opposite end of the couch. She needed space. And he needed to fix his mistake. 

“I-I can’t love you, Ro.” Aelin had sobbed louder at her words, the couch shaking slightly with her. Rowan’s heart broke at the words. 

“A? I’m sorry. What can I do to fix my mistake?” Rowan had inched closer, trying to comfort her, but Aelin had held her arms out, halting him. 

“It-it’s not your fault,” a sniffle escaped before she’d continued, “it's not your fault. I-I just...can’t. I need you to leave Ro.” 

Rowan stood immediately. Whatever she needed, he would do. Anything. “Okay,” he whispered, “okay.” 

Gathering his things, Rowan had walked to the door. Before leaving though, Rowan had faced her. She was staring at him. Staring and staring. Her hands had been clenched and she was pulling at her shirt roughly. “Call me, okay? I need you.” 

That had been the last thing Rowan had said to her. They hadn’t spoken since. 

~~~~~~~~~

When Rowan had kissed her so lovingly, Aelin had broke. She didn’t deserve him. Pushing his away had been the hardest thing she’d ever done. All she wanted was to hold him to her chest, but that just couldn’t be. 

Aelin desperately wanted to tell someone. But she couldn’t. Cairn would find out and destroy her all over again. Why would someone believe her over the football captain? It had been months yet his words still rung through her head every moment of every day. 

_ “You are nothing. You will always be nothing. No one will ever find out, and if they do, I will know and destroy you. I will destroy everything you love, Aelin. So, I will only repeat myself once. Who would believe you over me. You are worthless. Never forget that.”  _

Why her? She  _ was  _ no one. But, even now, Cairn had beat her. She wasn’t strong enough to stand up to him. She was worthless. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fenrys received the call from Aedion last night. Aelin wasn’t looking good. He hadn’t wanted to believe the news, but when Fen knocked on the front door and Aelin opened the door, a small piece of him died. 

Aelin was empty. So fucking empty and he couldn’t find a way to fill her back up. And that terrified him. 

Fenrys scooped Aelin into his arms and held her tightly to his chest. She didn’t let out a single tear. Barely breathed. She just grabbed onto his shoulders and anchored herself into his warmth. 

“Tell me. Tell me when I can do to make you full again.” 

Aelin only shook her head. “Nothing, Fen. I am nothing.” 

Gods what a sick way to describe herself. Aelin was everything to Fenrys. Everything. “No. Don’t you ever say that to my face again. You are worth more than you could ever imagine A. And never forget it.” 

Aelin began shaking in his arms. Fenrys carried her to her room and held her until her calming evened out and she stilled her body. “Hey Fen?” 

Aelin’s words shocked him for a moment. He thought she’d been asleep. “Yes A?” 

“I think i’m dying.” 

What. “Why?” 

“I’m afraid to tell you. It hurts.” 

He sat up at that, and held her hand. “Aelin. You can tell me anything. Even if it hurts, sometimes words will gnaw at you until they are finally released. They will eat away at your insides until there is nothing but the words. Let them come out. I’ve got you. Always.” 

Aelin opened her mouth and closed it. Minutes passed before she began speaking again. “I cannot say the words out loud. They will burn my ears.” 

“Do you want to write it out? I can get you some paper?” Whatever she needed to be free again. 

Aelin nodded gently. Fenrys stood and let go of her hand. Aelin’s breath escaped at the loss of contact and she reached for him. “Come back quickly.” Fen nodded and walked to grab some paper from the printer in the office. He grabbed a pen and was instantly back in Aelin’s arms. 

He handed her a hardback book and the paper and pen and waited. 

Aelin hid the paper from his view and began scribbling down letters. She seemed to hesitate before handing the paper to him, folded in half. Aelin angled her body away from him before she nodded and allowed him to open the note. 

In big, block letters, Aelin wrote three words:

“I WAS RAPED”

Fenrys’ heart stopped. Completely stopped beating before starting again. And then stopping. Oh, Aelin. No. No, no, no. Not his fireheart. 

“What?” Fenrys croaked out. His throat was closing and his eyes were blurring rapidly. Aelin looked at his expression and nodded her confirmation. 

“Oh A. When did this happen? Do we need to go to the police?” He had to be strong for her. She needed his strength. 

“No,” Aelin whispered. “I-it happened almost nine months ago.” 

Her knees were pressed tightly to her chest and her hands were breaking the skin around her wrists. 

Nine months? She suffered alone for nine months? 

“Do you want me to hold you?” Fen wanted to wash it all away. He needed to know that she was going to be okay. 

“Yes.” 

Instantly, Fenrys was encircling her in his arms and rocking her back and forth. He pressed his cheek to the top of her head and stroked her hair. Aelin began to gently cry. Soft tears leaking down and falling onto his arms. 

“Who?” He needed to know. He wanted to see them behind bars, despite the unlikeliness of that coming true. 

“Cairn.” Fen knew the boy. His father was a businessman who had no respect for women. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree it seems. 

“Does Rowan know?” Aedion had told Fenrys all about her new boyfriend. How good he was for her. 

His words made Aelin release a heavy cry. “I messed up Fen. I panicked and pushed him away. What do I do? I need him.” 

Fenrys’ whole body ached. Gods he could tell how much she loved him. “Just tell him the truth. Rowan is strong. He will always be there. I know it.” 

Aelin hugged Fenrys harder and fell asleep. 

  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
